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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29536941">Delirious</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatrinaRice/pseuds/KatrinaRice'>KatrinaRice</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Darkfic, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Emotional Trauma, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Family Issues, Gaslighting, Jealousy, M/M, Manipulation, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Suicide, Mentions of homophobia, Self-Esteem Issues, Smoking, Toxic Relationship, dubcon and noncon vibes, unhealthy relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:48:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,115</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29536941</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatrinaRice/pseuds/KatrinaRice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Reiner goes out with his friends, Eren gets… <i>jealous</i>. And Reiner gets… <i>scared</i>.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Reiner Braun/Eren Yeager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1272</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">

        <li>
          Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: 
            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30570161">Delirious [授权翻译]</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/QSA8/pseuds/QSA8">QSA8</a>
        </li>


    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I never thought I'd be writing an ererei fic, but here we are. The masterpieces of the wonderful <a href="https://twitter.com/DoubleDumbo">Columbo</a> opened a door and I left my eruri hell for a vacation in ererei purgatory. Please check out Columbo's amazing art, if you haven't already done so. And please enjoy this fic—as far as this is possible. If you haven't checked the tags yet—please do <i>now</i>.</p><p>Go <a href="https://ficbook.net/readfic/10443077">here</a> for the Russian version, kindly translated by <i>dergraueHirsch</i>.</p><p>Go <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30570161/chapters/75444218">here</a> for the Chinese version, kindly translated by <i>AC_ting</i> and <i>QSA8</i></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You should totally dump this guy’s ass,” Annie says, taking the last sip of her beer. Setting the bottle down onto the table with a bang after, she immediately beckons the cute waitress over whom Porco has been staring at the whole time to serve them more.</p><p>“He’s a fucking wanker,” the man in question—still ogling the rather cute blond young woman—says. “A fucking psycho.”</p><p>“Hey, hey, now,” Bertolt chastises softly, a nervous smile on his lips, “calm down guys. Eren’s not <em>that</em> bad...”</p><p>Annie tuts, glaring at the waitress who hasn’t come over yet, her thirst for beer, as always, unquenchable. Then, she’s glaring at Reiner, who flinches under this piercing stare of those cold blue eyes he’s known all his life, finally looking up from his phone, finally stopping to stare at the messages Eren’s sent him.</p><p>“Reiner,” she says, her tone as powerful and as flat as always; and Reiner’s asking himself how Annie is able to sound bored and menacing at the same time. She’s good-natured, he knows, but also ever-so intimidating. “Don’t answer him. He’s being a dick, and you know it.”</p><p>Reiner sighs, his gaze inevitably shifting back to his phone on the table, vibrating shortly, and the new message Eren’s just sent him. </p><p>“<em>Are you ignoring me now?</em>” Marcel, suddenly appearing behind Reiner to look over his shoulder, reads the text out loud.</p><p>Porco rolls his eyes at this, as his brother moves to sit down beside Reiner.</p><p>“So, Reiner. Why are you ignoring him?” Marcel asks, not even teasing.</p><p>“He’s not ignoring him,” Annie butts in nonchalantly, “but he <em>should</em> be. Don’t text back, Reiner.”</p><p>“And why’s that?” Marcel inquires, looking Reiner in the eyes. And before the tall, blond man in the middle of his 20s can answer, Porco is speaking for him.</p><p>“That fucker’s throwing a raging fit because of that pic you posted of you and Reiner on Instagram. It’s cos Eren’s a jealous bitch.”</p><p>“Porco,” Bertolt scolds him softly, “don’t call Eren a bitch.”</p><p>“I agree,” says Annie, eyes glinting as the waitress finally walks over with the new beers, “he’s more of an <em>asshat</em> anyways.”</p><p>Bertolt rolls his eyes, and Reiner feels… uncomfortable. And sad. But mostly, uncomfortable. Because he’s being backed into a corner he can’t escape from. But he must. </p><p>“Guys…” he mumbles, once the waitress is gone and Porco is still staring after her. But then he has no idea what to say. Because how could he <em>possibly</em> explain to them why Eren’s acting the way he’s acting, writing the things he’s writing?</p><p>Without uncovering the whole truth.</p><p>“He’s jealous?” Marcel picks up the topic softly, unable to stop himself from chuckling. “Because of <em>me</em>? He knows I’m straight, right? And that he should be more worried about Porco, huh?” Marcel adds in gentle amusement.</p><p>Porco scoffs, grinning, taking a sip of his beer.</p><p>“If you ever tell Eren about this, that fucking idiot will lock Reiner up and we’ll never see him again,” Annie states matter-of-factly. And while Bertolt protests faintly, telling Annie she’s exaggerating, Reiner’s actually not so sure about it.</p><p>It’s hard for Reiner to explain Eren’s nature to his old friends, whom he doesn’t see on a daily basis anymore due to real life responsibilities. Especially Marcel, who has moved 500 kilometres away for his studies at the university he had always wanted to attend. Which is a curse and a blessing at once. And while Reiner is able to meet up with Bertolt, Annie and Porco at least every two or three months, to have a few beers and talk, the times Marcel comes to town to actually join them are <em>scarce</em>. And thus, Reiner hasn’t seen him for seven months straight. This is why Marcel is the only one who hasn’t met Eren yet; for Reiner and the dark-haired man his age started going out merely <em>six</em> months ago.</p><p>“So… He’s the jealous type?” Marcel asks, once again not teasing. Just curious. Because Reiner hasn’t told him much about Eren yet, to be fair. He’s never been the very talkative kind, never <em>could</em> be. And, well… It’s so<em> hard </em>to talk about Eren with his friends.</p><p>Because...</p><p>Annie and Porco both start laughing in a very nasty way. “He’s fucking <em>beyond</em> jealous,” Annie spits out, making Reiner feel even more uncomfortable. Because Annie just doesn’t… She just doesn’t understand. <em>None</em> of them do. How <em>could</em> they?</p><p>“You should have seen the first time Eren saw Bertolt drunk-dancing with Reiner,” Porco spits out and Bertolt blushes. And Reiner feels even more uncomfortable. And tense. Staring at his phone that is vibrating again, another text from Eren appearing on the screen.</p><p>
  <em>“Call me.”</em>
</p><p>Reiner sighs. “He’s not <em>that</em> jealous,” he then responds to Marcel, knowing he’s telling a blatant lie. Because Eren is the <em>epitome</em> of jealousy. But… for reasons. Reasons his friends definitely wouldn’t comprehend.</p><p>Because they just don’t know better.</p><p>Because they’re different.</p><p>“Oh come on, man!” Porco spits. “Who the fuck are you kidding? One day, just a couple of days after Reiner got together with that asshole, I turned up at his place with Colt and Pieck unannounced because they wanted to see Reiner’s new flatscreen, and fuck me: You should have fucking seen Eren’s face. Like, yeah, he’s good-looking and probably fucks like a beast, am I right, Reiner? You must have <em>some</em> reasons for dating that prick. But the way he was staring daggers at us: I <em>swear</em> he wanted to stomp right all over Colt whenever he got a little closer to Reiner. And he sure as hell wanted to break <em>my</em> jaw for bringing Colt and Pieck up there and interrupting their lovey-dovey time or whatever. Probably <em>still</em> wants to kill me.”</p><p>“I changed my mind,” Annie snorts in amusement, tuning to Marcel. “You should <em>totally</em> tell Eren about your brother’s teenage crush on Reiner. Could be quite funny to see the guy flip out and try to fight Porco.”</p><p>Porco cackles. Reiner does not.</p><p>“I definitely will <em>not</em>,” Marcel responds calmly, clapping Reiner’s shoulder in a friendly and supportive way, “but do tell: When will I finally get to meet Eren? Why isn’t he here <em>today</em>?”</p><p>Reiner feels a certain kind of cold seep into his stomach. “He has to work tonight,” he responds; leaving out the part about that fact that Eren having to work is actually <em>the reason</em> he suggested <em>tonight</em> for all of them to meet up. Because… Because Eren’s a bit difficult around his friends. Because his friends are difficult around him, too. And Reiner doesn’t like difficult. Because it’s already hard enough as it is. </p><p>Reiner’s phone vibrates again.</p><p>
  <em>“Call me!”</em>
</p><p>“I… I’ll be right back,” he says, reaching for his phone—and that’s the moment Annie leans over the table and grabs the device in one swift motion, snatching it right out of Reiner’s grasp easily.</p><p>“Annie!”</p><p>The blond young woman begins to snicker.</p><p>“Annie, give it back to Reiner,” Bertolt pleads, ever so gently. “This is immature.”</p><p>“I <em>will</em> give this back to Reiner,” Annie says, holding the device up before shoving it into the pocket of her jacket. “But only after Reiner chugs his beer in one go.”</p><p>“Annie…” Reiner protests, his heart dropping to his stomach, while he calls on every fibre of his being to make his mouth stretch into a grin.</p><p>“Shut up,” Porco teases, sneering at Reiner, “I haven’t seen Reiner drunk in a long time. I miss drunk Reiner.”</p><p>“Oh, I miss drunk Reiner too,” Marcel says, laughing. “Why don’t we all chug our beers, as a sign of support?”</p><p>“Aye!” Annie agrees, raising her bottle, and Reiner sighs.</p><p>“And here I thought you were the responsible one of our group,” he comments weakly, while Marcel’s just laughing. And Reiner wishes he could laugh too. But instead of amusement, all that he feels is <em>tension</em>.</p><p>“Sometimes you need to be a little irresponsible too, you know,” Marcel then tells Reiner, reaching for his beverage. “Now come on, drink up. This is supposed to be a party.”</p><p>And thus, Reiner drinks, chugs the beer down just like it is being asked of him, and his friends are laughing and it’s a supposedly relaxed and cheerful atmosphere. But a queasy feeling in the pit of Reiner’s stomach remains. And that’s not because of the alcohol he’s consumed, but because Eren’s waiting for him to call him, and Annie still has his phone, and Eren’s probably going crazy with worry by now.</p><p>And anger. </p><p>Going mad with raw frustration.</p><p>“Come on,” Reiner says, his beer bottle empty, his head slightly dizzy, still forcing himself to grin. “Give it back to me now, Annie.” </p><p>He doesn’t like that cheeky look on his friend’s face.</p><p>“You promised,” Bertolt reminds the blond, but Annie’s grin doesn’t falter.</p><p>“I said ‘when Reiner chugs his beer’. I didn’t say ‘this beer’. So, big guy: One more and I’ll give it back. Maybe.”</p><p>Reiner groans. “Annie,” he complains, grimacing. Because chugging down a whole beer is actually pretty hard work and he already feels the alcohol making him feel slightly woozy. And he’s tense. So fucking tense, and she doesn’t understand because Reiner cannot <em>tell</em> her. “Just give it back to me.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Porco is already ordering another round.</p><p>“Annie, you’re mean,” Bertolt complains, and the blond laughs.</p><p>“How can I be mean when I just want Reiner to finally have a good time again?”</p><p>“Does that mean Reiner <em>hasn’t</em> been having a good time lately?” Marcel asks, looking at the big, trained, blond man in question. And it’s making Reiner feel uncomfortable. </p><p>Reiner’s always been prone to depressive episodes. Not wanting to burden his friends, he never openly speaks about it, avoids conversations altogether sometimes; when the mere thought of having to say ‘good morning’ to his friends makes him almost faint out of exhaustion, feels like having to climb Mount Everest, makes him feel anxious and angry, all at once. But, of course, even if Reiner <em>avoids</em> talking about his feelings, about anything actually, during those extremely harsh times, when he’s not able to <em>pretend</em> anymore that he’s fine, the others notice it. And that has happened quite often during the past year. </p><p>Eren helped—and <em>helps</em>—to make him feel better; which neither Porco, nor Annie, nor Bertolt understand. And Reiner is sure Marcel won’t also. How could he? How could <em>any</em> of them?</p><p>Their relationship is complex, while Reiner’s friends keep wanting to apply a black-and-white grid onto their bond, focussing mainly on those parts that are black, <em>bad</em>, according to them. It‘s… difficult. All of it. And Reiner doesn’t <em>like</em> difficult. That’s why separating his friends from Eren is his best option. </p><p>It’s <em>easy. </em></p><p>Amongst all the difficulties Reiner’s has to endure when being around his friends, this is <em>easy</em>.</p><p>And yet, his plan still seems to be backfiring today despite its easy nature.</p><p>“Annie,” Reiner sighs, trying to change the topic immediately. Like he always does. “Give me back my phone.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Come on. Don’t be like that.”</p><p>A certain kind of deeper nervousness starts to grip Reiner’s throat, the mere thought of Eren staring at his phone, waiting for his boyfriend to finally call him, making him feel as if somebody was clawing at his insides. </p><p>“Chug another beer, then we’ll talk again.”</p><p>“Annie…” Reiner rolls his eyes. But he cannot fight Annie. Nobody goes against Annie. No one of a sane mind, at least. She has them all in the palm of her hand, has always had them there. But Reiner especially. </p><p>Sometimes, he’s simply scared of her, even though he knows she’d never harm him. She would, however, most definitely, harm people who hurt <em>Reiner</em>; actually <em>has</em> done that before, at the playground for instance, beating up some boys who were beating up Reiner after school. That incident was actually what caused Reiner to focus on becoming strong. Physically. As well as some other shit in his life. Like his own failure when he was trying so hard to become the heir his father wanted and needed him to be. An heir to a legacy Reiner wasn’t able to handle. </p><p>But he doesn’t want to be thinking about <em>that</em> right now.</p><p>“Annie,” he groans, his desperation almost audible, “give me back my phone. <em>Please.</em>”</p><p>“Nope.” </p><p>Reiner sighs deeply, watching the waitress serve them another round of beers. </p><p>“Annie,” he tries again, once the woman is gone, but the blond just shakes her head, and his pulse is almost skyrocketing.</p><p>“Chug this one and we’ll talk.”</p><p>“All right,” Marcel finally speaks up, determined, his gaze locked with Annie’s. His tone somewhat authoritative. “That’s enough. Give it back to him. Now. It’s not funny anymore, Annie.”</p><p>Everyone is silent after that. After Marcel, who has always been some kind of leader of the group, talking to Annie like that. And Reiner has to correct himself: Because it’s not true that nobody goes against Annie—only Marcel does. Can. It’s only Marcel to whom Annie actually listens. And so, rolling her eyes, she fishes Reiner’s phone out of her pocket and slides it to him across the hard wood.</p><p>“Thank you,” the blond, tall man mutters, snatching it from the table, “I’ll be right back,” he adds, already on his feet, unlocking his device, staring at the screen revealing no new messages from Eren.</p><p>A few seconds later, he’s outside, walking a few steps down the main street, away from the bar they are currently drinking at, dialling Eren’s number with his heart drumming in his chest—but he doesn’t reach him. His call goes straight to voicemail. Over and over again, and Reiner figures that Eren was forced to switch his phone off because work got too busy. Or because he got caught by his boss texting. And so, he sends him a voice message, finally responding to the very first question his boyfriend sent him after seeing that picture Marcel tagged Reiner in.</p><p>
  <em>“Why didn’t you tell me Marcel was going to be there??? Are you keeping secrets now???”</em>
</p><p>“Hey… I’m sorry I couldn’t answer you before, I, uh, I didn’t have signal. And I was sure I mentioned it. That uh, Marcel was gonna be there too,” Rainer says. It’s a lie. It’s <em>a bunch</em> of lies, and he feels horrible about lying <em>to Eren</em>, but… But often it’s <em>less</em> difficult than telling him the truth. The truth which would make him worry, make him obsess over nothing. Because even though Reiner has always been particularly fond of Marcel, he’s never had any romantic feelings for him. And it would have all worked out well—Reiner meeting Marcel without his boyfriend knowing about it, with Eren having to work the night shift. But Marcel just freaking <em>had</em> to post the picture on Instagram and tag Reiner for his boyfriend to immediately notice, hadn’t he? And since when did Marcel even <em>have</em> an Instagram account? “I’m sorry, Eren… Are you okay?”</p><p>Reiner’s heart skips a cold beat when he sees Eren’s status on the messenger appearing as ‘online’, when he witnesses the two check marks turning blue, indicating that his voice message has been delivered and activated, <em>listened </em>to; and he waits. He waits for Eren to respond, watches that one word—‘online’—for what feels like forever. A time span definitely enabling Eren to play Reiner’s voice message at least three times. Until it—<em>he</em>— suddenly disappears again. </p><p>Eren’s offline. And Reiner feels as if someone slapped him across the face, as he’s beginning to ask himself if Eren’s seriously just busy at work—or whether he’s actually so angry with Reiner that he’s showing him the cold shoulder now. </p><p>Angry with Reiner for answering so late. </p><p>Angry with him for lying to him also. </p><p>Because probably Eren’s already figured him out.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>Reiner tries to call him again, his stomach doing funny things, his pulse quickening as he hears the ringing tone—but then it goes straight to voicemail again. And again. And Reiner knows that Eren truly <em>is</em> angry and is ignoring him<em> on purpose</em>.</p><p>And he doesn’t like it one bit.</p><p>“Shit.”</p><p>If only Annie had given him the phone back quicker. If only Reiner had called Eren earlier. Maybe he could have saved himself somehow, could have mended things. And now they’re in the middle of an emotional fallout. And he won’t be able to speak to Eren the whole night, won’t probably see him until late in the afternoon the next day, considering the man has to sleep after his night shift.</p><p>“Shit…”</p><p>“Hey,” Marcel's voice coming from behind him startles Reiner and he instinctively twirls around, looking into his friend’s face. The dark-blond man is smiling at him. “Are you okay, Reiner?” Marcel is offering him a cigarette, and Reiner sighs, declining. Marcel shrugs, lighting his one, waiting for Reiner to answer his question. But Reiner doesn’t know whether he is okay, and he sure as hell doesn’t want to tell Marcel that. Anything, actually. “Did you reach Eren?” the latter asks him, after a while of silence.</p><p>Reiner shakes his head. </p><p>“No. He’s… He’s probably just super busy now,” he says. Another lie. Reiner feels uncomfortable, even though he should be used to this.</p><p>“He works at the steel mill, right?” Marcel asks.</p><p>“Y-Yeah…”</p><p>There’s a moment of silence between them. Awkward silence.</p><p>“You know,” Reiner’s friend then says, looking the tall blond into the eyes, “you haven’t actually told me anything about Eren. All I know about him is from what Annie, Bert and my brother tell me; and from the info I gathered stalking his Insta just now. And, well, you know the others aren’t really fond of him and not afraid to say so, and I’m sorry about that, and I thought about whether I should confront you about it tonight or not, but… Ah, man, this shit is awkward, but…” Marcel releases a nervous laughter, taking another drag from his cigarette. “Are you okay, Reiner?” he asks again, sounding way more serious than just now. Gentle, too. “I mean, I’ll be super, brutally honest with you now, okay? From what the others told me he sounds like a freaking asshole. And since you’re not telling me anything about him that might say otherwise, I’m inclined to believe what the others are saying. So… Is he an asshole, Reiner?”</p><p>Reiner swallows. He’s in the middle of the exact type of conversation he’s so diligently trying to escape. Because he’s aware that Eren might <em>come across</em> as an asshole to so many people, to his friends, might come across as a bad guy. But he isn’t a bad guy. He’s not an asshole either. Not to Reiner. But… </p><p>
  <em>But his friends won’t understand.</em>
</p><p>Because they haven’t been through all the shit Reiner’s been through.</p><p>Because they haven’t been through all the shit <em>Eren’s</em> been through.</p><p>Because they aren’t broken—<em>damaged</em>—like Reiner and Eren are.</p><p>Because they have no freaking clue, even if they do pick up on Reiner’s super dark times.</p><p>But they still <em>don’t understand.</em></p><p>“He’s been through some very tough stuff with family,” Reiner explains, leaning against the wall, actually changing his mind about the cigarette. Because even if he doesn’t smoke regularly anymore, he needs the tobacco’s calming effects right now. Especially, when he’s talking about <em>family</em>.</p><p>“Tough family stuff?” Marcel picks up softly, after lighting his friend’s cigarette, leaning against the wall too, looking up into the night sky, just like Reiner is. </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Reiner inhales, the smoke burning his lungs slightly, as his thoughts wander to Eren. And he asks himself how he could possibly describe the trauma Eren went through to Marcel. How he could possibly find the words to capture and convey the betrayal and agony his boyfriend experienced. How finding out that his brother Zeke was only his <em>half</em>-brother had impacted Eren. How uncovering more of the Jäger family’s secrets had destroyed his trust in humanity. </p><p>How Eren felt after finding out that his supposed mother Dina had not given birth to him, but a woman who used to be his father’s assistant in the clinic. How Eren strived to find her, pushing through and digging up more of the dirt all the uncomfortable truths were hidden under, discovering that he had only been fed <em>more</em> lies by Grisha after the first revelations. Grisha, who had claimed that Carla—Eren’s true biological mother—had abandoned him to maintain her freedom when, in fact, it had been Dina, the betrayed and deceived wife, who had threatened and terrorised her, all of it finally leading to her suicide when Eren was not even one year of age. </p><p>How Eren came to know that Grisha had covered his affair up, had covered Eren’s birth up, disguising it as Dina’s; how he had covered Carla’s death up, claiming she’d suffered from various mental illnesses for years that had led to her suicide. How the man, a leading neurosurgeon, well-respected in the community, the son of a well-known doctor—who had been the son of a well-known doctor too—could not permit his name and reputation to be tainted by an illegitimate son.</p><p>How Eren had to cope when he felt the alleged, unbreakable bond between him and his brother become something fragile, how Zeke did not protect him from Dina’s coldness and constant attacks anymore, how his father turned away from him when Eren fought back against all the atrocities done to him, disowned him when he threatened to expose the Jäger secrets, kicked him out of the home that had never <em>been</em> a home to focus all his parental energies on Zeke, his successor. </p><p>How Eren’s friends distanced themselves after the trauma changed him; just like emotional trauma had changed Reiner. And since Marcel doesn’t even know about<em> that</em>—how should he ever understand that Reiner and Eren are… <em>the same? </em></p><p>That Reiner feels close to Eren because he understands his pain and rage. Because Eren understands <em>his</em> pains and rage. Because Eren was the first one Reiner has been able to open up to completely, those green, mesmerising eyes enchanting him; those eyes looking right through him. No: Right <em>into </em>him. Staring deep into his soul, piercing through all the layers, the barriers, <em>the walls </em>Reiner erected around himself; a façade. </p><p>Eren saw it for what it was—for he had built those walls around himself too.</p><p>So how can Reiner make Marcel understand?</p><p>Marcel, who doesn’t see Reiner for what he truly is: A failure. A disgrace. A disappointment. </p><p>
  <em>A weakling.</em>
</p><p>Reiner isn’t like them. Like Annie and Bertolt, like Marcel and Porco, like Pieck and Colt. He’s different, and he’s sure that if his friends knew<em> the extent</em> of his failure, all the truths covered up swiftly by the Braun family—just like the Jägers had done with all <em>their</em> secrets—if they knew who <em>he really was</em>, they wouldn’t want to be his friends anymore. </p><p>Their families have been tied together for generations, the Brauns, the Fingers, the Grices and the Galliards. Doing business, helping each other build their companies and secure deals. Somewhat like an affiliated dynasty, spreading all around the world thanks to globalisation and the fixation upon capitalism, each generation making sure to advance what their predecessors had started.</p><p>Only Reiner wouldn’t be able to do it.</p><p>Because, while all of his friends would take over the business of their parent’s, Reiner would <em>not</em>. </p><p>While Annie, Bertolt, Pieck, Colt, Porco and Marcel were being trained to become the CEOs of those companies, prepared for doing business together in the future, doing business with others too, Reiner would only be allowed to watch from afar—the Braun legacy carried on not by him, the only son of the eldest Braun, but by his younger cousin Gabi.</p><p>Because Reiner wasn’t fit for inheriting the legacy. Because Reiner wasn’t smart enough to take over. Because Reiner wasn’t strong enough to follow in his father’s footsteps. Because he was… </p><p>
  <em>A failure.</em>
</p><p>“Do you want to talk about it?” Marcel asks, sounding kind and gentle, encouraging. </p><p>Reiner sighs. “No, I’m fine,” he then answers, looking Marcel in the eyes, putting on his own smile that is not as charismatic as Marcel’s, never was, never will be; for Reiner’s smile is not genuine. It’s a farce. It’s fake. Another lie, another façade. Because that’s the only thing Reiner is good at: Lying. </p><p>Because it’s what his father taught him to do, <em>the least</em> that he expected Reiner to do after the blond had failed him.</p><p>Lying. Hiding. Deceiving.</p><p>“You sure?” Marcel asks, still smiling softly.</p><p>“Yeah,” Reiner says, inhaling some more of the smoke, doing what he also knows best to do: Distracting. It’s part of all the lies. “How are your studies going? You’re going abroad soon, aren’t you?”</p><p>Marcel sighs. “Yeah, I’m kind of looking forward to go to the USA, I won’t lie about that, but…” Marcel sighs again, flipping the rest of his cigarette bud to the ground, stomping it out with his foot. “But I fear my uncle is going to work me to the bone,” he adds, laughing, referring to the purpose of his trip: An apprenticeship required for his university degree, completed at the US branch in the Gallliard’s hands. “I won’t have time to do much sight-seeing. Even less to party,” he says, snickering.</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll enjoy it anyhow,” Reiner answers, ignoring how his chest is constricting. Ignoring how queasy his stomach is starting to feel. Ignoring the unpleasant shivers running up and down his arms, as he’s talking with Marcel about the life he envies him for.</p><p>“Sometimes I wish I was more like you, Reiner,” Marcel suddenly says, and Reiner freezes, his heartbeat picking up. “You know, it really takes balls to go against your father like that. Porco and I have been speaking about it quite a lot lately during all of our fucking exams, imagining how <em>our</em> old man would freak out, if we told him we won’t be taking over the company. God, just try to imagine <em>his face</em>…” Marcel speaks out, laughing, shaking his head. “Sometimes, I wish I also had the guts to do that, just like you did. To quit and do something completely different than all of my freaking <em>ancestors</em> have done.”</p><p>Marcel’s words are like arrows piercing Reiner’s flesh and bones, breaking through the armour of the lies Reiner has wrapped himself in; a costume worn for so long, a role played for what feels like eternity that sometimes it’s hard for him to discern illusion from reality. Sever the imposter from his true self. But not now. Not in this moment. For the alcohol, the sleepless night that lies behind him, the terrible rift between him and Eren right now—<em>when is he going to finally answer?!</em>—and the fact that Marcel is referring to that huge construct of lies, is <em>ungrateful </em>for what he is allowed to have—a denied legacy Reiner would <em>kill</em> for—it’s too much. For it brings all the memories back. Memories Reiner tries to subdue each day. But he can’t. Not right now. The hairs on the back of his neck rising up, as unpleasant shivers run down his back, pain and anger mixing into something… dangerous.</p><p>Marcel has to shut up.</p><p>Reiner doesn’t want to hear this.</p><p>Can’t <em>stand</em> to hear this.</p><p><em>Won’t</em> hear this.</p><p>Marcel has <em>no idea</em> what it’s really like to <em>be like him</em>. Marcel has no idea Reiner has never <em>had the balls</em> to do anything that <em>wasn’t </em>according to his father’s wishes. Marcel has no idea that Reiner doesn’t have the guts to… He’s <em>not </em>strong, despite all his muscles. He’s not courageous, despite the determined expression he’s able to put on. Reiner’s not bold, adventurous or gallant in <em>any</em> way.</p><p>He’s a coward. A coward and a loser.</p><p>But Marcel may never know about that. Has to be kept in the dark. Like Reiner and his family have been keeping <em>all</em> of them in the dark about this. About Reiner.</p><p>And Reiner remembers, even if he doesn’t want to, he remembers how he used to fall behind in class, had troubles focussing during lessons. How he panicked whenever a test a came up. How he failed big exams. How his father made him stay at home after school, secretly hiring a whole armada of tutors to get Reiner back on track; how he bribed the teachers in the end not to let Reiner fail his A levels. </p><p>How he scolded Reiner, how with every bad grade he brought home his father’s mood grew worse, how the older Braun grew desperate, grabbing Reiner’s shoulders to shake him, cementing into his brain from the start that he may <em>never</em> ever openly admit to his educational troubles, his everyday struggles; not permitting him to taint the Braun-name in any way, making sure Reiner understood how important it was in the world of business families to maintain their image, their reputation, their heritage, their legacy, promising him that it would all work out, that he was the next in line and would claim his place like he was supposed to and nobody would ever know about his struggles. And that was what had kept Reiner going, what helped him in lying to his friends, keeping his worries to himself, pretending he was just as successful as them, just as happy and carefree as them. As Annie, Bertolt, Pieck, Colt, Porco and Marcel.</p><p>But he wasn’t. </p><p>And in the end, it all <em>didn’t</em> work out.</p><p>For even with his bribed A levels and his father’s connections enabling him to enroll at university, with all the tutors and Reiner’s constant attempts to make it right, to push through, to understand and comprehend, to be successful, he was not. </p><p>He was unable to understand.</p><p>He was unable to cope.</p><p>He was unable to succeed.</p><p>He was just… He was lacking. Everything.</p><p>He wasn’t smart like his father, he wasn’t clever, he simply wasn’t <em>made</em> for business like his family was, like his friends were.</p><p>And the most tragic thing was probably the fact that Reiner’s father hadn’t even <em>pressured</em> Reiner into wanting to become his successor, had forced him to walk down this path, making Reiner “rebel” against him, as the “official” story went that Marcel was just now referring to, with the eldest Braun making Reiner tell everyone he had quit university because working in the family business had never been his dream—when, in fact, Reiner had never wanted<em> anything else</em>.</p><p>Growing up, Reiner felt like a prince, dreaming about inheriting a kingdom. It’s all he ever desired. To fulfill his purpose as a Braun, to follow in his father’s footsteps, to make the man proud, make his mother proud, make the rest of the family proud, make <em>himself</em> proud. He <em>wanted </em>to be part of the group, on one level with Annie, Marcel and the others. He wanted to take over the company. He strived <em>so very hard</em> to achieve it, remembering how his father used to call him “little warrior” when he was a child, so full of ambitions. </p><p>But Reiner wasn’t a warrior. And his father stopped calling him that. </p><p>Because Reiner was worthless. A nobody. Not overly intelligent, not talented in any particular way—hell, instead of becoming a CEO Reiner was a plumbing and heating installer, his father making him lie about why he had chosen this apprenticeship after leaving university, making Reiner claim he had always strived for honest and good, down-to-earth physical labour. When, in fact, the truth was that Reiner had had no idea what he wanted to achieve in life after his big dream burst like a bubble and he was made to watch Gabi take his place.</p><p>She replaced him and he couldn’t even be angry at her about it. </p><p>But it hurt.</p><p>It hurt to see his father treat her like his own daughter—as if he didn’t have a child on his own. Focussing all his energies, all his affections on her, looking at Reiner as if he was…</p><p>Invisible.</p><p>A disgrace.</p><p>A disappointment.</p><p>Because that’s what he is.</p><p>And when his father secured him the apprenticeship at the company of an old friend—how could Reiner deny?</p><p>“Sometimes I wish I could just drop it all and run away to Africa or something,” Marcel states, laughing.</p><p>And Reiner can’t take it anymore. Can’t take the ungratefulness seeping through every word spoken out by his friend, can’t believe Marcel would kick his own legacy with his feet, like it was something bothersome—like it was dirt. He can’t take it how he can treat it all so lightly, how it all came to him so easily, naturally; how he can be this neglectful when he has <em>everything </em>Reiner and any other normal person can only dream of.</p><p>And something inside of Reiner snaps, as if a bolt of golden lightning was shooting through his body, awakening something dormant within himself. </p><p>His body moves on his own, acts on his own, and before he knows it, he’s grabbing Marcel by the young man’s shoulders, hauling him against the wall, Reiner’s eyes wide open, his whole body trembling as he’s literally shouting at his friend. </p><p>“Don’t <em>ever</em> say that again! Don’t ever treat your legacy so lightly! You should be fucking ecstatic because you’r so <em>lucky</em> and you shuold giving it your all! How can you say stuff like that?! Don’t ever say shit like that again! Others would <em>kill</em> to be in your position, don’t you fucking understand?!”</p><p>Only after the words are out, reality catches up to Reiner. And he freezes, only now realizing what he has done: Letting some parts of his true self out. Letting some of the despicable truth seep out. And it’s horrifying. It’s so horrifying to see that look of bewilderment on Marcel’s face, that is so closer to Reiner’s, to look into those wide eyes, his friend’s head pressed against the wall, his arms hanging out to either side, the shock of Reiner’s sudden outburst seeming to render him immobile.</p><p>Marcel’s never looked at him like that.</p><p>Never.</p><p>And the unpleasant shivers running up and down Reiner’s back become even colder. Instantly, he lets go of Marcel, taking a step back, his heartbeat as fast as the beat of a pumping dance song, his throat constricting; fear and shock fueling Reiner’s own body, mixing with his ever-present shame, his embarrassment, his guilt. </p><p>“I-I-I’m…”</p><p>He doesn’t get to finish his apology. A voice coming from behind him cuts him off, shooting right into Reiner’s core, rendering him absolutely useless in this second.</p><p>“Reiner.”</p><p>It’s a dark voice. A dark, manly and low voice. Soothing, while at the same time menacing.</p><p>It’s <em>Eren’s</em> voice.</p><p>Instinctively, Reiner turns around, the emotions twisting and turning inside of his chest like a pit of wicked and agitated snakes when he looks into those big, emerald eyes, focusing on him; and an artic shiver runs down the whole of his spine.</p><p>Eren’s standing not even a metre away from him, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his black black jeans, his lean and muscled arms—full of tattoos, of mystical and satanic symbols, tribals and horrific, giant monsters—exposed to the pleasant summer night air. He’s wearing an equally pitch black shirt with the almost idecipherable logo of his own death metal band GENOCIDE stretched over his hard and trained chest, an inverted cross dangling around his neck, his ears full of studs and other piercings, his long, deep-brown hair styled into a man bun, some of the strands hanging loosely around his perfect face, his jawline strong, cheekbones high, his skin sun-kissed.</p><p>He’s handsome. </p><p>A handsome rebel by the book, and his attractiveness strikes Reiner almost every time he looks at Eren.</p><p>But the man’s expression is grim. Cold. His eyes like a snakepit, drawing Reiner in because they are equally fascinating and terrifying, Eren’s piercing gaze sending chills down Reiner’s spine.</p><p>“E-Eren…” he manages to breathe out, his heartbeat a steady rhythm in his ears. That’s when his boyfriend’s eyes move to settle on Marcel, who is still leaning with his back against the wall, still shaken by Reiner’s sudden outburst.</p><p>And Reiner’s <em>scared</em>.</p><p>Nervous.</p><p>Horrified.</p><p>Confused.</p><p>He…</p><p>He doesn’t know what to do. Why is Eren even <em>here?</em> Wasn’t he supposed to work the nightshift? Did he lie to him too?! And if so, <em>why?</em></p><p>And what the hell is he going to do to Marcel, what-</p><p>“Uh, hey, um, Eren,” the latter mumbles, straightening himself up, taking step closer towards Reiner’s boyfriend, holding out his hand in a friendly greeting with an equally friendly smile on his face, like nothing happened just now, “nice to finally meet you. I’m Marcel.”</p><p>It’s like time’s slowing down. Freezing, actually. And Reiner swears his heartbeat is so loud it’s blocking out any other sound right this minute. The rustling of the few trees planted alongside the street, the cars and motorcycles passing by, the mumbling of people from the outside tables of the bar, the faint music drifting over from the venue. All Reiner hears is his heart, pumping hot blood through his veins. And despite this, despite the warm summer night, Reiner feels absolutely cold.</p><p>As cold as Eren’s gaze, frozen in place in time, his eyes not moving as they remain stuck on Marcel, piercing him, making the man stop, his smile faltering, Marcel’s outstretched hand remaining untouched.</p><p>And then, Eren’s arm finally moves—but not to shake Marcel’s hands, not to introduce himself. Instead, he grabs Reiner’s upper arm. Hard. </p><p>“We need to talk,” Eren says, his tone clear, and as chilled as his gaze, still looking at Marcel, but clearly speaking to Reiner, whom he’s pulling along, as he suddenly turns to the side and starts walking away from the bar, dragging Reiner into a little sidestreet; and there’s nothing Reiner can do about it. There’s nothing he can say. For his lips are sealed and his limbs do not obey him. He lets himself be steered away by Eren, swept away by Eren, like always, his eyes focusing on the concrete beneath his own feet.</p><p>Because he cannot bear the mere thought of Marcel looking at him right now. Looking at them right now. Looking at Eren right now, who flatout refused to say hello to one of Reiner’s closest friends. And while Reiner understands how this comes across to Marcel, how a part of himself feels not okay with this, another part of his being can totally relate to Eren. It comprehends. <em>Reiner</em> comprehends. The fear of losing someone to somebody else. The fear of being left all on your own. But Marcel and the others will never.</p><p>How could they?</p><p>“Ugh!”</p><p>Eren hauls Reiner with his back against the wall, slamming both of his palms against the brick-construction, each hand planted on either side of Reiner’s face, caging him, as he takes a step forward, bringing their bodies together, the slightly shorter, dark-haired man glaring at his boyfriend, making Reiner knees quiver.</p><p>“E-Eren…”</p><p>That’s as far as Reiner gets, for Eren pushes forwards, pressing his lips onto Reiner’s lips. </p><p>It’s far from gentle. It’s far from romantic. And yet…</p><p>And yet Reiner has <em>no words </em>for the relief that floods his body when Eren kisses him like that.</p><p>When this man’s lips move against his, when this man’s hands finally touch him, wandering down his side to wind around Reiner’s waist, pulling the taller blond tightly against his body, as Eren’s tongue slips inside Reiner’s mouth, sliding over Reiner’s, deepening the kiss, as Reiner’s hands finally begin to move too, like on autopilot, not following their owner’s commands, but the blond man’s deep desires, coiling around Eren’s body, Reiner’s fingers digging into his boyfriend’s shirt, inhaling his manly, musky scent with a faint hint of cardamom; earthy-sweet and spicy.</p><p>Eren feels like home. Reiner’s <em>real</em> home. And witnessing the man not bursting with anger, but giving Reiner all of his affection, makes the blond feel elevated. So fucking relieved. The accumulated tension of the evening, the sharade he had to play in front of his friends, their jabs at Eren, his relationship with this man, Marcel’s abhorrent words about a Reiner that doesn’t exist, about choices he hasn’t made, finally flowing out of his body, out of his mind; and Reiner feels like his whole organism is deflating, the only reason stopping him from collapsing being Eren’s strong arms.</p><p>A big sigh escapes Reiner’s throat when Eren breaks their kiss and they both gasp for air, and Reiner rests his head against Eren’s shoulder, slightly bending down, the dark-haired man holding him firmly, as Reiner’s fingers dig into his shirt, his back, further, his eyes closed shut, just breathing in Eren’s scent, his perfume, pressing himself against Eren as much as he can to blend out reality just for these few seconds; a short time span in which only the two of them exist and Reiner can forget about everything that happened today.</p><p>But it’s just that: a short time span. And reality catches up with them quickly. </p><p>“Reiner,” Eren murmurs into the blond man’s ear, his deep, voice causing goosebumps to erupt all over Reiner’s skin, “you’re gonna tell Marcel to delete that fucking photo from Instagram.”</p><p>And Reiner feels cold again. </p><p>“Wh-What?” he mumbles—and Eren instantly lets go of him, taking a step back, staring up at him, almost like Annie. With bold, arctic eyes. But Eren’s gaze is so much more intimidating than Annie’s. It’s taking Reiner’s breath away, like someone was clutching down on his throat.</p><p>“You heard me,” Eren states, his voice almost void of emotion, “you’re going to make Marcel delete the pic. If not, I’m going to fuck him up. And after that, I’m going to fuck <em>you</em> up.”</p><p>And instantly Reiner’s scared again.</p><p>Fucking <em>terrified</em>.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey everybody, </p><p>I am still very, very much overwhelmed by all the attention and especially feedback I have received and please believe me when I say that I have read each and every single of your comments at least three times and I will definitely get back to you. I just wanted to use the free time on my hands to work on chapter 2 (and be overwhelmed). </p><p>Speaking about this: This is <i>not</i> the final chapter. I realised there is too much (emotional stuff) to tackle so I needed to split this up. Hence, this fic will have a third chapter soon. For now, I can only say THANK YOU yet again—and I hope you won't be disappointed with the second chapter.</p><p>I am new to ererei and this is very much outside my eruri comfort zone so I was very nervous about publishing this (still am), so having read all of your encouraging words really motivated me to get on with the story as fast as possible. If you also enjoy this part, lemme know! This is so freaking exciting, entering new territory so to speak.</p><p>Thanks also to my translators—seeing this fic in Russian and Chinese really blows my mind...!</p><p>Oh, and to answer a very interesting question from the comments for everyone, about what Eren's band GENOCIDE might sound like. I immerdiately thought about BLOODBATH's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIeVnN9cFmw">"Eaten"</a>—but <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YBC_lh_uy8">BEHEMOTH</a> would be something suitable as well. </p><p>Oh, and thanks to my new fandom-metalhead friend we will all be able to see GENOCIDE's logo soon 👀 Stay tuned and follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/Katrina__Rice">Twitter</a> if you like!</p><p>Also, I will be forever grateful for Columbo posting the link to this fic🥺</p><p>Enough author rambling. Let's get on with it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“E-Eren…” Reiner mumbles, feeling as if something heavy was being pushed against and into his chest, his throat constricting yet again, as his boyfriend takes a step back towards him, and Reiner’s brain still tries to comprehend Eren’s request. His <em>threat</em>. And thus, he’s so deep in thought, so lost in his confusion and panic, that he flinches when Eren suddenly cups his cheek, ever so gently, tilting his own head slightly as he’s looking deep into Reiner’s eyes, snapping him out of his stupor and once again back into reality.</p><p>A cruel reality.</p><p>“You look like a fucking <em>couple</em> in that picture,” the dark-haired man states, his roughly spoken words a stark contrast to his tender touch, his warm hand on Reiner’s cheek suddenly feeling too hot to bear. And the next thing Eren says makes Reiner’s heart ache. “Do you know how much that fucking hurts me? Especially, since you didn’t even<em> tell me</em> you were seeing Marcel tonight?” he asks. “Are you <em>fucking </em>with me, Reiner?!”</p><p>Reiner swallows thickly, and it feels like someone had stuffed a stone into his throat. It hurts, just like his chest does, his heart, a thousand of freezing shivers running down his heated skin, his pulse way too quick, the shock about Eren having refused to greet Marcel mixing with the shock about Eren asking Reiner for something<em> like that</em>, mixing also with the dread—<em>the confirmation</em>—of Eren <em>knowing</em> that Reiner <em>lied to him</em>. </p><p>That he <em>betrayed</em> him. That he betrayed his <em>trust</em>. </p><p>He, the one, the <em>only one</em> on this planet, who <em>shouldn’t</em> be doing this to him. Who shouldn’t be hurting Eren. Who shouldn’t be lying to him.</p><p>And Reiner feels like scum.</p><p>Eren lets go off his cheek, and it’s like he punched Reiner in the gut. And Reiner feels so… <em>lost</em> in that moment. So alone. He feels desperate. It’s a sting to his chest, spreading more of that coldness, more of that despair throughout his body.</p><p>
  <em>More of that fear.</em>
</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” it breaks out of him, and he’s immediately reaching out for Eren, grabbing his shirt, his fingernails scraping across his chest underneath, just to hold on to him, to renew their physical connection; because he can’t handle the thought of Eren walking away from him right now. Leaving him. He needs to <em>feel</em> him. “I’m so sorry! I… I didn’t want you to worry, because… Because there’s nothing to worry <em>about</em>. There’s nothing <em>going on</em> between Marcel and me.”</p><p>Eren scoffs, not reciprocating Reiner’s touch, not even <em>looking</em> at him right now; his hands are back in the pockets of his jeans and his head is turned to the side. He’s looking at something—or nothing—in the distance, his expression blank. That’s what makes it so cold, what makes <em>Reiner</em> feel so cold. </p><p>Scared.</p><p>“Oh really?” the dark-haired then responds, his tone arctic. “If there is <em>nothing going on between you</em>,” he repeats Reiner’s words, sudden venom seeping into his tone, “then how come you didn’t <em>tell me</em> he was going to be here tonight?” </p><p>At this, Eren turns his head back to face Reiner again—and in those green eyes, on this handsome, manly face, Reiner witnesses rage. He witnesses contempt. He witnesses pain. Pain that he feels too; it’s like someone was trying to pierce his heart with a spear. Slowly. Making sure Reiner was feeling the invisible blade break through every layer of skin, flesh and muscle. </p><p>“Hm?” Eren prompts languidly, tilting his head in a provocative gesture, his gaze locked with Reiner’s, his expression still so very, very… <em>atrociou</em>s. “Why did you lie to me then, if Marcel’s <em>just your friend</em>... Huh, Reiner...?” </p><p>“I… I…” he stutters. And he has no answer. No adequate answer. And Reiner knows he fucked up. He totally fucked up. What had he even been thinking? Lying to Eren like that. He <em>lied </em>to Eren. To <em>Eren</em>! And he thought he’d get away with it, and that it would be<em> fine </em>to get away with it. Oh my God… “I’m so fucking sorry, I… I didn’t want you to worry. Over nothing!” it finally breaks out of him, his grip on Eren’s t-shirt tightening. “Please… I kn-knew y-you were thinking Marcel was special to me; and h-h-he <em>is</em>—but only as a<em> friend</em>! As my <em>oldest </em>friend! There really was never anything between us and there never <em>will</em> be! But I-I-”</p><p>“You <em>knew</em> I was worried about Marcel, and that’s why you <em>didn’t tell me</em> you were gonna see him tonight...?” Eren sums up Reiner’s statement, calm and collected. Words uttered in dark disbelief. “Do you realise what a cold-hearted bastard that makes you?”</p><p>Reiner does.</p><p>Oh God, <em>he does.</em></p><p>“I’m sorry… I’m really sorry…! I-”</p><p>Reiner flinches once again, as Eren suddenly puts his hand onto his chest, taking a step closer, pushing Reiner back against the bricked wall, his eyes still boring into his. “You’re naive, Reiner,” he then tells him, his voice as thick as honey, soothing and alerting at once, hot and freezing at the same time. “<em>You </em>might have only feelings of friendship towards Marcel… but who says <em>he’s </em>feeling the same way…? Huh?”</p><p>“He’s straight!” it breaks out of Reiner again, who is so relieved that his boyfriend’s hand is back on his body—and also <em>so fucking nervous</em> and <em>scared</em> at what Eren is saying, implying. Thinking and believing. </p><p>Eren huffs out a short laugh. A cold and bitter sound, devoid of any form of amusement. “Isn’t that what you kept telling your old man when you were in your teens? That you were <em>straight</em>? Until he caught you with a boy?” Eren’s words are like whip. They push Reiner into the pits of the dark and freezing ocean. </p><p>Memories of that fateful evening during a big banquet at the Braun residence seep back into his mind. Memories of the terror in his father’s eyes when he walked in on him and the other boy, the son of an associate. Memories of the look of sheer disgust and disappointment in his father’s face. </p><p>And how he—and his associate—handled the whole thing. How they all did.</p><p>How his father told him behind closed doors that he believed that what Reiner did, engaging in romantic and sexual activities with men, was something abominable, and that he should never even <em>consider</em> the possibility of bringing a boyfriend home, but that he wouldn’t force him to live a life as a heterosexual either. Reiner could do whatever he wanted, as long as he kept it away from his father’s eyes, the whole Braun family, didn’t bring it home, didn’t talk about it with them. His father wanted to ignore that part of Reiner’s life—privately at least. Because officially, Reiner’s father positioned himself as an LGBT activist, emphasizing how their company was open for any type of human being, embracing diversity, emphasising that any sexuality and gender were welcome, celebrating himself as “a proud father of a gay son”. </p><p>A brutal lie. </p><p>One of so many.</p><p>But at least, so Reiner kept telling himself to hold on to a little part of his sanity, he didn’t have to deny his sexuality in public. Hide it from his friends, of whom some—like Porco—were bisexual themselves. But not Marcel. Marcel has <em>always</em> been straight—and most definitely <em>not</em> interested in Reiner in a romantic way. This isn’t a lie. In the vast sea of lies, <em>this one</em> is that <em>one </em>portion of truth. Reiner knows. He may be naive, Eren’s right; but this he <em>knows</em>. And yet…</p><p>He swallows thickly, every fibre of his being telling him to run away. But he can’t run away, and he can’t undo his mistakes, the wish to turn back time and just <em>not</em> go out with his friends to spare himself from this abhorrent situation with Eren ever so prevalent anyway.</p><p>“E-Eren, h-he’s really…”</p><p>Reiner doesn’t get to finish his sentence, his words cut off by Eren grabbing his chin forcefully, holding Reiner still so he cannot escape Eren’s penetrating, frosty gaze, his boyfriend’s demand; each word Eren utters palpitating with subdued, trembling anger. </p><p>“Make. Him. Take. That. Photo. Down.”</p><p>A powerful feeling of dread surges through Reiner’s body, feeding his ever-present anxiety. It’s like pouring a canister of oil into a fire, the flames of impending doom raging and roaring all around him, imprisoning him. And it feels as if huge walls were closing in on him, threatening to crush him, no armour capable of saving Reiner. </p><p>Eren lets go of Reiner’s chin and starts walking away, towards the bar, and Reiner-</p><p>He feels like screaming. He feels like crying. He feels like punching something. He still feels like wanting to run away. He’s confused, so terribly confused and agitated. All of his feelings and thoughts crashing down on him like debris after a huge explosion; burying him underneath, immobilising him, stealing his breath away, <em>suffocating</em> him. </p><p>“Eren!” Reiner hears himself shouting, his body moving on its own, charging after his boyfriend, who stops and turns his head to look back at Reiner. His eyes… <em>dead</em>.</p><p>Menacing.</p><p>As hard and cold as ice.</p><p>“Eren…” Reiner repeats as he too stops, right in front of his boyfriend, his hands trembling as he continues to speak, “it’s just… It’s just a photo, a n-n-normal pic, like… Marcel took pics like that with <em>everybody</em> tonight! Please, I-”</p><p>Eren scoffs. And this sound is like a massive crash of waves to Reiner. Mighty waves that can conquer any warship made of steel or titanium.</p><p>“I don’t care about the others,” Eren says in a bloodcurdling, chilly tone. “Your fucking friend can take pictures <em>like that </em>with whomever he likes—but <em>not</em> my<em> boyfriend</em>. Not you. Do you know what this makes <em>you</em> look like? What it makes <em>me</em> look like? What it makes <em>us look like</em>? Like we’re not serious about each other. Like <em>you’re</em> not serious about me. Aren’t you serious about me, Reiner? Do you want us to break up?”</p><p>“No!” Reiner nearly screams again, the possibility of a separation from Eren, the only person in this world who will ever know and accept—<em>embrace</em>—his true self, bringing on a gigantic wave of panic, but-</p><p>“Then make Marcel take that photo down.”</p><p>“But-”</p><p>“Reiner,” Eren interjects calmly but vehemently, “do you really not understand <em>how much</em> that picture hurts me?”</p><p>And Reiner can’t answer. The fact that he’s hurting Eren causing <em>himself </em>to experience pain, causing his throat to constrict, as if a snake was winding its long and flexible, strong body around his neck; a noose. He has trouble breathing, his heart beating so fast in his chest, Reiner fears it might actually shatter his bones.</p><p>“I guess I’ll have to <em>show</em> you then,” Eren suddenly remarks, and when Reiner looks at him, the dark-haired’s expression is… <em>terrifying</em>. </p><p>Eren walks off again, without looking back, and Reiner remains where he is, as if stuck to the ground, wondering—<em>fearing</em>—what Eren means by <em>having to show him</em>. What his boyfriend will do now. To him. To his friends. <em>To Marcel.</em> And Reiner’s heart starts to hammer in his chest when he thinks of the man, what Marcel has just witnessed, what he has possibly told the others about it, what he said to Annie, Porco and Bertolt about meeting Eren, what he <em>thinks </em>of Eren, what he thinks of Reiner after his outburst—what he would say if Reiner really asked him to remove the picture...</p><p>Reiner’s stomach nearly turns at the mere thought of that confrontation. This sort of confrontation he’s always trying so hard to avoid.</p><p>He doesn’t get Eren—and then again, <em>he does</em>.</p><p>Because Eren experienced being left alone too many times. He was abandoned by everyone he trusted. His father, his brother, his childhood friends. And these things—Reiner knows—they leave scars. Not as in physical traces on your body. It’s far worse. For emotional scars are invisible incisions on your soul; they don’t heal as well as cuts into your flesh. They remain. And thus does Eren’s fear of abandonment. Of Reiner abandoning him. Of Reiner turning away from him to focus on somebody else, like his father turned to Zeke, like Zeke turned to his father, like Armin and Mikasa turned away from Eren and found new friends, when Eren left school to do his apprenticeship. </p><p>When Eren ultimately changed because of the atrocities done to him.</p><p>Eren’s scared that Reiner might walk away from him to be with Marcel. Because even if Reiner knows this would never happen—for even if Marcel <em>wasn’t</em> straight, Reiner would never be interested in dating him—how can Eren know that? Eren has been lied to so many times—and now<em> Reiner </em>has lied to him too. How can Reiner expect Eren to trust him in this situation? </p><p>Eren doesn’t know Marcel, not one bit. He doesn’t know the dynamics between him and Reiner. He only knows Marcel through Reiner’s recountings. And maybe, just <em>maybe</em>… Reiner’s been a little <em>too</em> enthusiastic when talking about Marcel and their childhood memories...? Because Marcel has always been there for him, has always been that type of leader Reiner had aspired to be; a strong, intelligent and also kind human being. So is it really this surprising that Eren would suspect something much deeper than just friendly admiration behind Reiner’s words of praise? Is it really surprising the picture would tick him off? The picture of an evening, of a meeting <em>kept</em> <em>a secret</em> from him? Is it really this surprising he would feel hurt and miserable when seeing Reiner smile brightly into the camera with Marcel’s arm around his shoulders?</p><p>...but there is really nothing wrong with the picture, because Marcel isn’t straight, and he’s not into Reiner, and Reiner’s not into him, and… And he <em>can’t</em> ask Marcel to delete the picture. He just… He just <em>can’t</em>! Because…</p><p>Reiner feels nauseous when he thinks of the confrontation with his friend again. How Annie, Bertolt and Porco would react too, if he asked Marcel for the deletion. Because… Because this would make them hate his boyfriend even <em>more</em>. They would… They wouldn’t understand. They couldn’t understand—how could they? And if they wouldn’t understand—what if Marcel refused to delete it? What would Eren do then? To Reiner? <em>To Marcel?</em></p><p>Reiner’s dizzy, and there’s a certain pain spreading in his chest, as if someone was putting weights on it from the inside, trying to push them out. His breath shortens, and he feels… lost once again. Trapped. He feels scared. He has nothing under control anymore. It slipped out of his grasp the second Eren saw the picture Marcel posted. But only now the loss of it becomes evident to Reiner, palpable, and he doesn’t know what to do. And the only person he can always rely on, that he could turn to for salvation—<em>Eren</em>—is not by his side, but angry at him, angry at Reiner’s friends, who are angry at <em>him</em>, and…</p><p>And it’s too much.</p><p>It’s too fucking much, and Reiner is at the verge of a fucking panic attack—or is he already in the middle of it?</p><p>All he knows is that he’s agitated and that there’s unpleasant cold shivers running up and down his arms and neck, like ants or other disgusting insects, little spiders creeping up and down his skin, and he feels sick and-</p><p>And what if he asked Marcel to delete the picture <em>away from the others?</em></p><p>What if he could be <em>alone</em> with Marcel again? Like they were just now? Outside of the bar?</p><p>What if he spoke to him like they always speak to each other: Calmly and collected, friendly, easy-going. Reiner’s so good at acting in the presence of his friends, he can do it again! Forget that outburst just now, go back to being the Reiner his friends know him to be, the Reiner Marcel knows and expects him to be. He could… He could just act like it was no big deal, keep it cool, and just tell Marcel not to make a big fuss out of it, ask him not to tell the others, but just delete the picture because Eren… was having a hard time?</p><p>He could tell Marcel that Eren has been cheated on by his ex! The same way. Make up a story of how Eren saw similar pictures of his boyfriend with another guy on social media and then discovered he was screwing him behind his back.</p><p>...maybe <em>this</em> would make Marcel understand?</p><p>It would be just another lie Reiner would feed him. But Reiner’s used to this. Isn’t he? Used to being like his father, expanding that web of lies, used to-</p><p>Reiner’s phone vibrates, and when he looks at it, half-expecting a message in dread from his friends, asking him where the hell he’s at, something even more distressing appears on his screen: A notification about Eren’s brand new posting on Instagram, leading to a picture of his boyfriend from inside the bar with his arm around…<em> another man. </em></p><p>Eren looks handsome, as always. His smile is cool, slightly flirtatious, and the other man… He’s handsome too. Reiner’s never seen him before. He’s definitely not one of Eren’s coworkers or acquaintances, and he definitely doesn’t look like one of GENOCIDE’s fans, he’s not a metalhead at first sight at least, he’s-</p><p>
  <em>Most probably a handsome stranger, who looks like Eren’s boyfriend in the picture.</em>
</p><p>And Reiner understands. </p><p>Because looking at this picture makes him feel… miserable. He’s in pain. In even more pain than he’s been in before. And this is exactly what Eren meant by <em>showing Reiner how much he hurt him</em>—because staring at Eren in this very intimate pose, touching this attractive man, is a punch in Reiner’s face, a punch to Reiner’s heart, his mind running on overload, one prominent thought hammering inside of it in sync with Reiner’s agitated pulse.</p><p>
  <em>What if Eren breaks up with him because he’s so hurt and angry at him? Because Reiner betrayed him, lied to him?</em>
</p><p>He’s way more attractive than Reiner, way more outgoing than Reiner, way more communicative than Reiner. He could have anyone—<em>he could have that man in the picture. </em></p><p>And Reiner feels sick. He doesn’t know what’s happening, but suddenly he’s inside the bar again. It’s like he’s blacked out for a few seconds, not registering his wobbly legs carrying him down the street and back into the venue. But he’s here, frantically looking for Eren, his eyes scanning all the visitors, all the tables, all the corners—until they find him. Sitting at the second bar, talking to another man. Not the man in the picture, a different one;<em> but he’s just as handsome</em>. And Reiner feels bile rising up in his throat when he witnesses his boyfriend put his hand onto the stranger’s shoulder, smiling at the man who is smiling back as they continue to talk and-</p><p>And suddenly, there’s a hand on Reiner’s <em>own</em> shoulder, making the blond man almost jump because he’s so startled. It’s Bertolt, standing right next to him.</p><p>“Reiner,” he says, “I, uh, I was wondering where you were. You all right?”</p><p>“Y-Yeah,” Reiner hastily says, equally quickly positioning himself in front of Bertolt to block his view in Eren’s direction.</p><p>Bertolt frowns a little. “Is… Where is Eren?”</p><p>“He’s just talking to a friend,” it slips out of Reiner’s mouth easily, before he can even think about it. </p><p>
  <em>He’s so used to lying.</em>
</p><p>“Oh, okay, so,” Bertolt says, before his voice trails off, and Reiner can see that his friend wants to add something, already dreading Bertolt’s words, but then the man says nothing. “Shall we head back?” he asks instead, motioning towards their table, smiling faintly, and Reiner nods, his legs feeling like jelly as he follows Bertolt, his mind still processing what he just saw; Eren talking to the other handsome stranger. And as if on call, Reiner’s phone vibrates in his hand, and he’s looking at a picture of that handsome stranger—with Eren’s arm <em>wrapped around</em> this man’s shoulders too.</p><p>Just like Marcel’s arm is wrapped around Reiner in that fucking picture that started all of this.</p><p>No.</p><p><em>Reiner</em> started all of this. By keeping Eren in the dark. By lying to him.</p><p>And now there is no way out, and Reiner has to-</p><p>A cold shiver runs down his spine and Reiner feels a penetrating gaze locked onto him. Annie’s gaze. And when he looks at her, the grim and angry facial expression of her chases more chills down his skin.</p><p>“What the fuck?” she spits in his direction before Reiner can even retake his seat next to Marcel, staring at the table to avoid having to look at anyone else, because he just feels so uncomfortable and intimidated and… He just wants to fucking run away from this mess. “Marcel said Eren didn’t even say hello to him? What kind of dickward is he? And where the fuck did he run off to?!”</p><p>Reiner’s phone vibrates in his already slightly shaking hand in his lap, and when he looks down, he sees another dreadful notification, and another picture-upload of Eren and that man. This time, Eren is sticking his tongue out in a cheeky fashion and they both use their hands to form the sign of the horns—a symbol of heavy metal.</p><p>Reiner hates it. And he feels so fucking uncomfortable.</p><p>He needs to stop this, but-</p><p>He’s glancing sideways over to Marcel. Marcel, who is looking at him; almost like he did outside. Like he’s never done before. It’s a mixture of concern—and disgust. And Reiner feels horrible.</p><p>“Reiner!” Annie almost yells at him, and he flinches visibly. Her eyes look terrifying. “Where the hell is Eren?! He can’t be disrespecting Marcel like that!”</p><p>“Annie,” Marcel butts in, almost as loud as her, but still in a calmer demeanour, “that’s between Eren and me, don’t get involved.”</p><p>“H-He was just… He was just agitated,” Reiner hears himself explaining to his friend. </p><p>
  <em>Another lie.</em>
</p><p>Porco scoffs. “Yeah, right, about a freaking picture with your friend! Dude acts like you put your sex tape on only4fans.”</p><p>“Being agitated is no fucking excuse for not even bothering to say hello to one of your oldest friends!” Annie continues her tirade. “That’s just fucking rude!”</p><p>“Hey, everyone, calm down,” Bertolt tries to ease the situation, way too friendly as always—and Reiner’s phone chimes. </p><p>It’s another picture. Of Eren and that handsome stranger. Only this time, there is a third person, <em>another </em>stranger in the frame, another very fine-looking man, wearing a METALLICA shirt, both of those attractive men posing with Eren, smirking almost sassily into the camera.</p><p>And Reiner hates it. </p><p>Hates those arctic shivers that keep running up and down his spine, hates the pain in his throat and chest, spreading out through his whole body, hates the way his anxiety mingles with anger and shame. And guilt.</p><p>“Where is Eren though?” Annie goes on. “Did he just come by to say shit to you and then went back to work, or what? He was supposed to be working, wasn’t he?” And it’s like another arrow piercing Reiner’s chest. Because he still has no idea why Eren’s here and not at work like he, indeed, was supposed to be.</p><p>“He, uh, he’s, he was sent home because they had enough men to cover the shift,” he replies.</p><p>
  <em>Just another lie. </em>
</p><p>“So where is he now?” Marcel asks, calmly. And yet it’s still catapulting Reiner further into his turmoil of emotions and anxieties. “Is he going to ignore us… <em>the whole night</em>?”</p><p>Porco snorts out a laugh. “He <em>did</em> practically ignore me the last time I saw him. Fucking wanker.”</p><p>“You were making fun of his music,” Reiner protests. </p><p>It’s a half-lie. Because Eren wasn’t <em>only</em> angry at Porco because of that three months ago, but also because Porco had actually asked Reiner to come with him on a camping trip too. Without Eren. And of course, Reiner declined. </p><p>“<em>Music</em>,” Porco repeats the word mockingly, “Eren’s basically shouting into the microphone like a monster gone berserk while torturing his guitar.”</p><p>“Death metal is a very extreme type of music, but it actually has a huge fan-basis,” Bertolt tries to soothe, but Porco just rolls his eyes.</p><p>“Reiner!” Annie growls, hitting the table with her hand, making everybody look at her. “Where the fuck is Eren?!”</p><p>“He’s just talking to some friends,” Reiner repeats his lie. “He will join us soon.” <em>Another lie.</em></p><p>Annie tuts. “I need to piss,” she then declares and walks off, and Reiner feels a little bit relieved when she is gone. But the alleged peace only lasts for a few minutes. Seconds, actually.</p><p>“Eren doesn’t like your friends very much, does he?” Marcel suddenly says, summing up everything he heard, everything that has happened tonight, and Reiner swallows thickly.</p><p>“No, I mean as in, uh, I don’t think he<em> dislikes</em> them<em>, </em>you, he’s just… He’s just a bit different. Complex. And… And misunderstood…” Reiner tries, feeling awkward and extremely uncomfortable while doing so.</p><p>
  <em>He has to ask Marcel to take the pic down. But-</em>
</p><p>Porco immediately reiterates, loudly and harshly, as he always does when he’s had a few beers already. “Misunderstood my ass. He’s just literally an <em>asshole </em>doing <em>asshole-things</em>. I seriously have no idea why the fuck you’re dating him, man. Seriously.”</p><p>Reiner wants to protest, but he can’t. He wants to tell Porco to shut up, but he can’t. </p><p>
  <em>He has to ask Marcel to take the pic down. But-</em>
</p><p>It’s like that noose is still wound around his neck—and his phone is vibrating again, and there’s one of <em>those </em>pictures again, his boyfriend showing himself off with other men, attractive men, smirking flirtatiously into the camera. And Reiner hates it, his head beginning to pound. He doesn’t even really hear what Bertolt is saying to Porco in his soothing fashion again, can’t hear what Marcel adds. Can’t follow the whole, slightly agitated conversation unfolding between his friends. Until he hears Marcel stating his name.</p><p>“Reiner!”</p><p>“Wh-What?” he turns to Marcel—and it’s <em>that</em> look again. That concerned, that perplexed, that <em>disillusioned</em> look.</p><p>Oh no.</p><p>Marcel is frowning, and Reiner realises that Porco and Bertolt are staring at him as well, in a similar fashion. </p><p>And he hates it. Reiner hates it and he just wants to run he-</p><p>“Are you-”</p><p>Marcel doesn’t get any further, as Annie practically charges against the table, slamming both of her hands down onto it, glaring at Reiner. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” she roars at him, and Reiner’s heart is making summersaults; and not the good kind.</p><p>Anne sits down, or rather <em>throws</em> herself back into her seat, grunting, fiercely mad.</p><p>“What the fuck?” Porco inquires, as Marcel raises a brow, staring at the blond aggressively hacking into her phone.</p><p>“Yeah, exactly,” Annie growls. “What the fuck?!” she repeats angrily, basically shoving her phone into Reiner’s face—and on the screen is Eren’s Instagram profile. On her screen is Eren’s newest picture of him, and yet another, good-looking stranger in his arm, smirking almost sultry into the camera. And all of his friends present are staring at it, as Annie’s waving her phone into their faces too. “Your boyfriend is right over fucking there, flirting with other men and taking pictures of it, Reiner!” she spits out, glaring at him. “I thought I wasn’t seeing right when I walked past him on my way to the toilets, I immediately had to turn around. Don’t give me shit about Eren being with friends. Eren doesn’t <em>have</em> any friends except for those two fucking weirdos from his creepy loser band! Those are just some random dudes, aren’t they, Reiner?”</p><p>Reiner’s heart is thrumming in his ears. His palms are sweaty. He feels the need to clutch his chest as another fit of pain and tension passes through it. And has to ask Marcel to take the pic down, but he doesn’t even have the chance to react, to ask Marcel to go outside with him again.</p><p>“Is this… Is he taking revenge?” Bertolt blabbers out, completely stunned, and Reiner can’t look at him. “Like… for the picture with Marcel?”</p><p>“All right, that’s fucking it!” Porco announces energetically, taking a huge sip of his beer before hammering the bottle down onto the table, just like Annie likes to do, some of the beverage spilling over and onto the hardwood. “I’m gonna bite this motherfucker to death,” he states, his eyes already roaming the bar as he stands up, and Reiner nearly faints from his exasperation, from his heart beating even faster.</p><p>“Porco!” Marcel shouts out, gripping both of his brother’s shoulders to push him back onto his seat. “You will <em>not</em> fight Eren. Do you understand?! Just fucking let it go.”</p><p>“But he’s being a proper dick to Reiner!”</p><p>“I agree,” Marcel states, almost coldly, and Reiner flinches at that, his phone, his fucking, fucking phone vibrating again, displaying yet another of those pictures of Eren and a handsome man by his, that <em>are not</em> meant as revenge. But how could his friends understand that? How could his friends possibly understand that this is a cry for help? A plea towards Reiner to get Marcel to delete this picture? That Eren is just trying to make Reiner understand how much he’s hurting because of that? “He’s being a proper dick, you’re absolutely right, but that’s no reason to fight him”, Marcel says. “You want to cause a scene, maybe even end up in jail? For punching a guy who’s not worth it? For Christ’s sake, calm down, will you?!” he scolds.</p><p>And as much as Reiner is happy that his friend stopped Porco from lashing out at Eren and causing a scene, Marcel’s words about Eren <em>hurt</em>. All of his friends’s comments about his boyfriend fucking <em>hurt</em>.</p><p>And they won’t stop.</p><p>“Reiner,” Annie continues, agitated, her words spoken in true disbelief, “are you okay with this? Don’t tell me you’re okay with this!”</p><p>“You<em> can’t</em> be okay with this!” Porco agrees.</p><p>They just won’t stop. Even B<em>ertolt</em> joins in.</p><p>“That’s… That’s really uncool of Eren, I mean…” he says.</p><p>“It’s just… <em>nasty</em>,” Marcel agrees tutting, losing some of his calm demeanour at this point, staring at his phone, and just then Reiner’s device vibrates again, and he can’t move a muscle, can’t look at it, knowing it’ll be another one of <em>those</em> pictures; of Eren and the other handsome men.</p><p>“I can’t believe that son of a bitch isn’t stopping, what the fuck?!” Annie’s fuming, also staring at her phone, and when Reiner shifts his gaze slightly, he can actually see the latest photo of Eren and a stranger on her screen, and it’s… agony. </p><p>Pure fucking agony, and he needs to ask Marcel to take their photo down, but he can’t move, and his friends saying all those horrific things about Eren won’t even give him a chance to talk to Marcel, and they keep putting Reiner under even <em>more</em> pressure; their words are like the swings of a jackhammer. And Reiner’s being hit over and over and over again.</p><p>“Reiner, what the fuck is wrong with you?!” Annie seethes, gesticulating widely with her hand holding on to her mobile. “You’re letting this asshole walk all over you, like… What the bloody hell?!”</p><p>“He’s a real fucking psycho twat!” Porco spits, and freezing cold shivers chase down Reiner’s spine.</p><p>“Seriously, Reiner,” Marcel remarks, and Reiner’s holding his breath, unable to face any of his friends present, “is Eren really only doing this because of the picture I took of us? I am so sorry to say this but… That’s seriously<em> insane</em>.”</p><p>“I keep telling you: He’s a proper psycho bastard. A real fucking nutter!” Porco nearly shouts at his brother, with Annie nodding agreeingly—and even Bertolt is doing that: agreeing. Agreeing to all the barbarities, all the heinous things being said about Eren. About Reiner’s boyfriend. And Reiner feels like screaming, like breaking everything around him into pieces, like slamming his fists down onto the table, like knocking their drinks over—he’s like a volcano, at the edge of erupting; there’s so many emotions boiling inside of him, sizzling, bubbling up.</p><p>Because his friends are blind. They know shit about Eren. Shit. They don’t see what Reiner sees. That Eren is the most attractive man he’s ever come across. That he’s kind and selfless, once he opens up to you, after you open up to him, once he trusts you—but he can’t tell Annie that, he can’t tell Porco that, he can’t tell Bertolt that, or Marcel, because they all think Eren is a psycho. When they have no fucking idea what he’s been through and what is going on in his mind. </p><p>
  <em>His friends don’t see what Reiner sees. </em>
</p><p>That Eren is impressively focused, and will do anything to obtain his goal once he’s set eyes on it, that he’s determined unlike anyone Reiner’s ever met before—but he can’t tell his friends that because they all think Eren’s an asshole and won’t change their minds. </p><p>
  <em>They just can’t see what Reiner sees. </em>
</p><p>That Eren’s confidence is something that he admires, and that his boyfriend is super creative; he plays in a really popular band, and once he’s on stage he’s capable of enchanting the whole audience with his presence and the harsh sounds of his vocals and his guitar—but he can’t tell his friends that because they all think Eren’s music is a joke.</p><p>
  <em>They just can’t see what Reiner sees. </em>
</p><p>That his bedroom skills are on a completely different level and Reiner didn’t know sex properly until the first time he slept with Eren. That Eren is the only one, who truly accepts Reiner for who and what he is, and that he would never look down on him for anything, that he would always support him—but he can’t tell Annie that, he can’t tell Porco that, he can’t tell Bertolt that, or Marcel. </p><p>Because his friends will never see and understand what Eren sees and understands—Reiner’s true form. His true soul. His flaws. All of his imperfections.</p><p>Eren is the best thing that has ever happened to Reiner. And now… And now his friends are openly displaying their hatred towards his lover, throwing profanities at Reiner, riling him up, offending Eren with everything they say—offending Reiner—and Eren is taking those pictures, and Reiner is all alone, and he can’t move, and there is no opportunity to ask Marcel to speak one-on-one with him, and Eren is still with those men, and everything is because Reiner was so fucking stupid and cruel and lied to his boyfriend and took <em>that fucking picture</em> with Marcel—<em>and can’t they just fucking leave him alone?!</em>—and everything’s spinning and Reiner feels like falling down a long and dark hole with no end, and his head is pounding, and he’s shaking, and Eren is still taking those pictures, and when Annie calls his boyfriend another wicked name—stating that Reiner should break the fuck up with that son of a whore—<em>Reiner snaps.</em></p><p>“Shut up!” he yells, both shaking hands raking into his own hair, fingernails scraping across his scalp as he’s tearing some of his fair strand out, staring at the beer bottle in front of him, unable to look any of his friends in the eyes because if he did he feels like he would crumble. “Shut the fuck up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” he screams—and they are all silent, and he can practically feel their gazes, their stupid fucking gazes on him, causing chills to scurry down his skin, his neck and spine, even his legs, all of his being trembling, all of his being overwhelmed; and then his phone—his stupid fucking phone—vibrates again. And when Reiner dares to take a look at it—why does he even look at it?!—he sees Eren in another frame with another handsome stranger, smiling that smile that he usually only smiles for him, for Reiner. And in that moment, all of what he wanted to throw at his friends, is forgotten and only one fucking things matters: Eren.</p><p>“Take the fucking picture down,” Reiner hears himself saying to Marcel, his voice so foreign, so shaky, trembling, so unsteady, almost inaudible. And Marcel doesn’t react, nobody does. It’s silent, except for the music coming from the speakers, except for all the other people talking around them, oblivious to the agony Reiner has to endure. And he feels the eyes of Annie, Bertolt and Porco, the eyes of Marcel boring into his flesh, and Reiner still can’t look at them, can’t look at Marcel, and it’s like an inner power is forcing him to repeat his demand because Reiner himself can’t do it. “Take that fucking picture down, Marcel!”</p><p>Reiner’s trembling, he’s tense, so tense like he’s never been before, every muscle practically hurting from all the fucking tension; he feels like somebody was trying to squeeze him to death, crush his bones, tear apart his flesh. His heart is beating ferociously—and Marcel isn’t reacting. He isn’t saying anything, and Eren is still with those men, and Reiner hurt him so much, and his friends—who know nothing about Eren—won’t stop saying all those atrocities, won’t stop hating, and they are staring at him, and the armour Reiner’s put around himself, the robust construct of lies, is crumbling; and Annie’s and Porco’s and Bertolt’s and Marcel’s gazes pierce right through the holes in it, looking at Reiner’s core for the very first time in their life, and Reiner can’t stop shaking, Reiner can’t stop the tears forming in his eyes, for this is too much. It’s too much, too much, too much, and Marcel isn’t saying anything and Eren-</p><p>Reiner’s phone vibrates again in his hand, and Eren-</p><p>Reiner can’t take this anyfuckingmore.</p><p>“Marcel, <em>please</em>!” he screams, his voice cracking, as he turns his head towards his friend, his throat hurting so much, the plea escaping his throat almost a sob, the tears stinging behind his lids—and what he then sees, the look Marcel gives him, the way his oldest friend is looking at him, is terrifying. It’s everything Reiner expected deep down, whenever he had that dreadful imagination of his friends witnessing the truth, getting a glimpse of what Reiner truly is; sniffing his weakness. It’s a look of terror. Of disbelief. It’s a look of absolute dread. It’s crushing. And Reiner knows that all of them, all of his friends, are looking at him <em>like that</em>.</p><p> “Marcel, please!” Reiner begs, even though he doesn’t want to beg, doesn’t want to show more of his despicable, pathetic, weak side to his friends, doesn’t want to show them his truth; but he needs Eren to stop. He needs things to be okay between them! <em>“Please!” </em>He nearly chokes on his own spit at the last, nearly shrill plea. And the way Marcel’s eyes widen even further, the way his mouth drops open even wider, the pitiful and terrified way he’s looking at Reiner—it’s a confirmation of all of his nightmares, of all of Reiner’s dark beliefs.</p><p>That if his friends knew the truth about him, they would turn away from him in disgust and shame.</p><p>That’s the look on Marcel’s face. That’s the look on Porco’s face. That’s the look on Bertolt’s face. That’s the look on Annie’s face. Annie, who is bursting out again, as Marcel, freaking finally, unlocks his phone again. </p><p>“Marcel, no!” the blond young woman exclaims. “This is a fucking innocent <em>picture</em>! You're friends, for Christ’s sake! Don’t make Eren feel he’s in the right!”</p><p>Marcel doesn’t answer, his eyes glued to the screen on his phone, his thumb moving over the screen quickly, and Reiner’s holding his breath, the pain in his chest so agonising, Reiner cannot compare it to any other experience.</p><p>“There,” Marcel eventually says, putting his phone down onto the table again, looking back at Reiner, “it’s… I deleted it.”</p><p>Annie groans, but Reiner doesn’t pay any attention to it, can’t pay any attention to it, to how the rest of his friends react, because Marcel’s words flood him with an ocean’s full of relief, and before he knows it, Reiner’s on his feet, escaping those intimidating, uncomfortable, horrific stares, finally fleeing this mess, his legs carrying through the bar to him.</p><p>
  <em>To Eren.</em>
</p><p>Eren, who is talking to that man from the latest photo, smiling that handsome, flirty smile that is usually making butterflies rage inside of Reiner’s belly turn. But right now, as he’s coming closer, witnessing the interaction between his boyfriend and the other—attractive—man from nearby, it’s actually making his stomach turn.</p><p>He needs to stop this.</p><p>Eren was right.</p><p>This hurts.</p><p>Eren was right. </p><p>How could Reiner have been so wrong? How could he have claimed that it was “just” a picture?</p><p>“Eren,” Reiner’s calling out his name, finally stopping right in front of him, and Eren stops talking, turning his head to face Reiner, as does the other man, looking at Reiner as well, but the blond doesn’t pay him any attention, doesn’t <em>want</em> to pay him any attention. “It’s gone. The photo. I… Marcel deleted it,” he tells him, smiling nervously, waiting for his boyfriend’s smile to reappear on his beautiful face, waiting for Eren to finally smile <em>at him</em> again, touch him, kiss him, forgive him—but that doesn’t happen. Instead of that, Eren’s facial expression—that blank look devoid of anything positive, a dead scowl almost—doesn’t fade away. Eren’s cold eyes keep boring into Reiner’s, and his voice isn’t any warmer.</p><p>“Good,” the dark-haired man says bluntly, “and now let me finish my conversation with Samuel. Okay?”</p><p>And Reiner’s heart almost stops beating. Almost shatters on the spot. For this, this reaction, was <em>not</em> what he had… <em>hoped</em> for. It’s another slap, another punch, another… fist full of agony.</p><p>It’s another portion of oil thrown into his fire of anxiety, fueling his worry of… <em>of losing Eren</em>.</p><p>Eren, who isn’t paying any attention to Reiner anymore, but turning back to talking to the stranger. As if Reiner wasn’t there anymore. He just… He just <em>ignores</em> him. Until he doesn’t, and when Reiner sees Eren’s gaze wandering over to him, there’s another flicker, a small spark of hope.</p><p>But it’s stomped out just a second later. </p><p>Because Eren’s brows furrow, and he sends Reiner away with a wave of his hand. </p><p>And Reiner’s heart drops to his stomach when his boyfriend does that. He feels sick. So absolutely sick and terrified and guilty and scared, his head starts spinning again as he turns around, and realises there is basically no other place to go to than back to his friends—he has to anyway because his coat is still slung over the backrest of his chair, and oh my God, Eren is still so mad at him, even the deletion of the picture hasn’t appeased him yet, and what if… What if Eren actually really likes that guy? Samuel. What if he-</p><p>Reiner suddenly bumps into something with his shoulder, the physical impact tearing him out his worrying stupor, together with a blunt, deep voice that snaps at him—“Oi, dickhead! Watch where the fuck you’re going!”—and Reiner realizes he has walked into a kissing couple, his heart beating even faster as the short, but very scary-looking, black-haired man in his 30s or 40s with an undercut glares at him and tuts, when Reiner isn’t able to answer anything, having angered someone making his evening even <em>worse</em>.</p><p>“Hey, Levi, calm down, will you?” the man’s partner, a blond man with big blue eyes so much taller than his partner, mumbles soothingly to him, still holding the shorter man in his arms, before looking at Reiner, offering a charismatic smile. “You okay?”</p><p>Reiner is everything <em>but </em>okay. And he’s so confused, he’s so… overwhelmed. So fucking scared, so upset, so intimidated. It’s almost as if in a trance, and he’s not sure whether he actually manages to mumble an apology or whether he is just walking away without having actually said anything. </p><p>“Fucking prick,” he hears the dark-haired man hissing in his direction, with his blond partner beginning to mumble soothing words to him again; but Reiner doesn’t catch those anymore, continuing to walk towards the table he’s just fled from. And the mere thought of his friends—oh-so definitely running their mouths about Eren, about Reiner, and his pathetic outburst that should have never happened—makes Reiner lose the last bit of energy left in his body, the dread having overtaken all of his body.</p><p>He’s absolutely cold when he arrives, as if someone had thrown him into a tub filled with cold water. And when all of his friends stop talking in their agitated way and turn to stare at him, Reiner wishes the ground would open up and swallow him whole, wipe him from the earth, just fucking take him away; because he wants to be anywhere <em>but here</em>. </p><p>The cogs of his brain are turning at high speed, his heart is racing, and he’s trying so hard not to lose his shit again as he sits down, his thought with Eren—Eren and the other handsome man, Eren and Samuel, Eren flirting with Samuel, Eren holding hands with Samuel, Eren kissing Samuel, Eren-</p><p>“Reiner,” Marcel speaks his name, and Reiner trembles, the memory of that look on his friend’s face still too very recent, still too very scary, the realisation that his walls have crumbled around his friends creeping upon Reiner like a monster hiding in the shadows with the intention to snap his neck. “Reiner, are you… Okay?”</p><p>He hates the pity in Marcel’s voice. Hates the fact that all his other friends remain silent. Hates the fact that they all have seen him like that. Hates the fact that they all feel sorry him, look down on him, that they-</p><p>“Reiner,” Bertolt mumbles, sounding ever-so concerned too. And Reiner hates it. </p><p><em>Hates it, hates it, hates it</em>—and oh God, will Eren leave him? Will he-</p><p>“Reiner,” a very familiar voice suddenly says his name. That beautiful, manly, deep, soothing voice that is with him all the time, and Reiner immediately twists around in his seat to look at him: at Eren. Eren, who is standing right next to him, at the edge of their table—without Samuel—looking at Reiner, staring deep into the eyes, and Reiner opens his mouth to say something, but out of the corner of his eye he sees her already rising to her feet: <em>Annie.</em></p><p>Annie, who is as quick as thunder, jumping to her feet, her chair falling over, as she’s raising her balled fist, lunging at Eren with a war-like outcry—and it’s as if the world stood still in this moment. And also, it’s as if everything is happening as fast as lightning strikes, and Reiner’s on his own two feet, his instinct calling; his instinct to protect the one thing he values more than his own life, that one person: <em>Eren</em>. And even before he can consider what he is doing, Reiner is already throwing himself between them.</p><p>“Annie!” Marcel screams. But it’s too late. Annie’s fist hits part of Reiner’s shoulder, part of his chest. </p><p>But not Eren’s face, like intended.</p><p>The blow is hard. And it hurts. Bertolt gasps, Porco cusses something in an agitated reason. And for one second Reiner sees black. But it’s not the physical impact that causes this.</p><p>It’s the shock.</p><p>The shock about Annie. </p><p>The shock about Eren.</p><p>
  <em>Eren.</em>
</p><p>“Are you all right?” Reiner nearly screams out, turning to his boyfriend, shaking like a leaf in the wind.</p><p>Eren is staring at him with wide, wicked eyes, not responding, before he turns his gaze to focus on Annie. And that gaze of his instantly turns into a menacing glare. A glare that sends shivers down Reiner’s spine, even though he isn’t the one being glared at. There’s this abominable, dark aura around Eren suddenly, descending upon him like a black mourning veil. Reiner can feel it, sense it, he’s almost sure he can also smell it, touch it. It’s horrifying and fascinating at the same time—and it’s taking Reiner’s breath away.</p><p>The looks his friends are giving him, the way bystanders stare at them, the way Annie’s breathing heavily and glaring at Reiner, at Eren, the fact that she has actually just attacked Eren, wanting to punch him in the face, the way Reiner has exposed his true self to his friends, the way Eren is staring back at Annie right now, angry and appalled and aggressive—he can’t handle it anymore, he can’t-</p><p>“Ugh!”</p><p>Reiner flinches, as Eren suddenly grabs his wrist as he finally—<em>freaking finally</em>—looks back into Reiner’s eyes, his expression hard; as is the grip around Reiner’s arm. “We’re going home,” the dark-haired then announces, his voice dark and somewhat strained. And then, just before Eren turns around to pull Reiner away from his friends, he turns to Annie one last time. </p><p>
  <em>“Bitch.”</em>
</p><p>That’s all Eren says before he starts to walk away with steady steps, his fingers wrapped around Reiner’s wrist tightening, and Reiner cannot tell what he is feeling right now, not even fully registering Marcel and Bertolt calling after him; unable to look back, to look any of them in the eyes. Instead, his gaze remains fixated on Eren. Eren, who is pulling him along, who doesn’t let go of him, who continues to drag Reiner to his car. And Reiner is…</p><p>So fucking relieved that Eren’s holding onto him, paying attention to him, looking at him, talking to him, and-</p><p>“Get in,” Eren instructs roughly, as he tears the passenger door of his old, black BMW open and nearly hauls Reiner into the vehicle. And Reiner obeys, flinching again as Eren slams the door shut again with way too much force.</p><p>The inside of the old car smells faintly of cigarettes and vanilla, stemming from a little scent diffuser, and it’s still warm from being parked out in the sun for so many hours. Despite this, Reiner shivers when Eren practically throws himself into the driver’s seat, slamming his door shut in anger as well.</p><p>The engine roars to life, and it’s a brutal, nearly primordial sound ringing in Reiner’s ears. Just a second later, more harsh sounds are filling the car, as the stereo turns on and the latest mixdown of GENOCIDE’s new song, <em>Eren’s</em> new song, is blaring from the speakers. It’s a track called “The Rumbling.” A song about an inhuman army of giants trampling the world and everything and everyone that lives in it, decimating all life to enable a rebirth of humanity; so Eren has told Reiner just a few days ago when they were lying in bed, right after having sex, and he was talking about looking forward to play this song live in a few weeks. And Reiner would like to be there so hard right now: Snuggled up in bed with Eren, just the two of them together in a cosy, carefree, wonderful atmosphere, the events and deeds of tonight nonexistent, forgotten. </p><p>But they can’t be forgotten.</p><p>Not this easily.</p><p>Eren’s sinister gaze proves this, as Reiner carefully turns his head to look at him.</p><p>Eren is angry. </p><p>Horribly angry.</p><p>His knuckles are almost white as he’s clutching the steering wheel way too hard. He’s driving around twenty kilometres per hour above the speed limit. He almost runs a red light. He’s going into every curve way too fast. His overtaking maneuvers are way too risky.</p><p>And Reiner’s scared.</p><p>But he doesn’t dare to say anything. </p><p>Couldn’t say anything anyways, because the powerful music, Eren’s own powerful, monstrous voice accompanying the low, distorted, e-guitar sounds, is way too loud.</p><p>And when Reiner looks outside, his fingers digging into his own thighs, and he realizes they are close to his home, more of that horrifying fear grips his throat—because he’s so scared that Eren will throw him out, leave him alone for the rest of the night, proceed to his own home without him.</p><p>But Reiner’s wrong. </p><p>Because Eren turns around the corner and drives onto the main street, heading in the opposite direction—to <em>his</em> place.</p><p>And even though Reiner is relieved, he is also still terrified. And tense. Because the atmosphere between them is tense. Eren isn’t saying a single word, and it doesn’t seem like he will change that, for it doesn’t seem like he is about to turn down the volume of his, Yelena’s and Floch’s music. The death metal tune keeps playing on repeat, and Eren remains silent. Focused. Angry. And Reiner remains scared.</p><p>His legs trembling when Eren finally parks the car right in front of his building, slamming his door in an angry fashion again, not caring about possibly waking someone up. And he still isn’t saying anything, and all Reiner can do, is follow him inside, up the stairs, into his flat, where Eren, once again slams the front door shut with so much force, Reiner’s body even jumps a little, like a scared cat. </p><p>And he knows that Eren is angry because of him. Because of that picture Reiner took with Marcel, because he lied, he deceived, and he hurt Eren so fucking badly, shook his trust to the core, how could Eren <em>not </em>be angry with him? How could he not be angry with him when Reiner ignored him, didn’t text back, didn’t call?! And Reiner knows, he fucking knows he needs to apologize again and again, apologize for Annie, for Marcel, but mostly for his own fucking deeds, his preposterous behaviour, his-</p><p>“Ah!” a terrified scream escaped Reiner’s mouth as Eren suddenly pounds his fist into the wall. Right next to Reiner’s face, just millimetres away from his cheek, his eyes a blazing fire as he stared into Reiner’s. </p><p>“Don't ever fucking do this again to me…” Eren hisses through clenched teeth.</p><p>And Reiner…</p><p>Reiner sobs.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guys, thank you SO much for your feedback on the previous chapter. I am totally speechless, AGAIN &gt;_&lt; And I am super busy with work at the moment, that's why I still haven't gotten the chance to thank you all personally. Just please know: Every single comment reaches me and makes my fucking day. THANK YOU ALL!!! </p><p>Also, I really SUCK at chapter planning, so this fic will have four chapters now. The fourth one really will be the last, I just wasn't able to squeeze all of the following plus what is to follow in the finale into ONE chapter, you'll see... So: SORRY...? </p><p>Also, would you please take a look at GENOCIDE'S <a href="https://twitter.com/HannibalCathars/status/1365618293759967232?s=20">band logo</a>??!?! Isn't it epic? Thank you so much, HannibalCatharsis! &lt;3</p><p>And now: "enjoy" and please mind the (mildly updated) tags!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>
    
  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>(Art by <a href="https://twitter.com/HannibalCathars">HannibalCatharsis</a>)</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything Reiner has been keeping bottled up inside for the whole evening is coming out, prompted by the shock of the sudden impact right next to his face, paired with Eren’s stern look, his boyfriend’s anger and the fresh memories of his friends looking at Reiner</span>
  <em>
    <span> like that</span>
  </em>
  <span>—it’s all flowing out. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bursting</span>
  </em>
  <span> outside. And Reiner can feel his quivering mouth pulling into an ugly grimace as more tears begin to well up in his eyes to trickle down his cheeks. And when Reiner covers his mouth with his hand, a gesture happening due to automatism, another sob breaks out of his throat, nearly shattering it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s horrifying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And what makes everything even</span>
  <em>
    <span> more</span>
  </em>
  <span> terrifying, what is</span>
  <em>
    <span> suffocating</span>
  </em>
  <span> Reiner, is the fact that Eren does </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> act the way Reiner would need him to act right now. He makes it worse. </span>
  <em>
    <span>So much worse.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Because that stern look on his face doesn’t turn soft. The anger doesn’t fade. There is no trace of comfort. Neither in Eren’s expression, nor in his body posture. It’s the complete opposite.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tsk,” the man with green eyes scoffs, slowly retracting his hand, staring at Reiner as if… As if he was offended, as he speaks in barely subdued, icy contempt. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Of course</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You’re</span>
  </em>
  <span> crying and </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> the bad guy. I don’t fucking believe it,” Eren adds exasperated, like he was speaking rather to himself than to Reiner, rolling his eyes—and it hurts. Because-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No,” Reiner mumbles, unable to stop more of those horrendous tears brimming in his eyes, his hoarse voice sounding pathetic. But he </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs</span>
  </em>
  <span> to say it, because he’s so fucking scared; of Eren being angry at him, of Eren being hurt, of Eren </span>
  <em>
    <span>leaving him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “I-It’s not like… that…” Reiner hiccups because of his crying, and he’s really trying to stop himself from doing so, but he just can’t. “You’re not- Ugh!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner flinches again, as Eren ploughs both of hands into the wall behind his back now, each one to either side of his head, caging Reiner, rendering him immobile, and he’s so tense, as Eren, who is so close to him now, glares deep into his eyes, his anger still not dissipating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One evening with Annie, Porco and the lot, and you’re against me,” Eren states coldly. And Reiner’s heart aches. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-No!” he protests, his whole body and soul succumbing to the dread Eren’s words are making him feel. But Eren ignores his outcry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you talk the whole evening about me?” he berates him. “Hm? Let me guess: Annie and Porco—and maybe even Marcel?—told you that I’m an asshole and that I don’t treat you right. That I’m scum. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Am I right?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-I…” Reiner stammers, his hand clutching his own cheeks as he is still covering his horrid mouth, hot tears running down his face, as the emotions keep overwhelming him, as the terror keeps overwhelming him, and he’s so fucking scared of Eren’s anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And let me guess: You didn’t say anything to protect me, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner’s heart feels as if someone was piercing it with something cold and sharp at that, and he sobs again, pain spreading all across his veins, seeping into every crevice of his body, Eren’s eyes cold, and his equally freezing words echoing in Reiner’s mind. Because partly, they are the truth. Because Reiner </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> told his friends to shut their mouths at the end, when he snapped. Because he did not protest at </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> they hauled at him, hissed at him, didn’t react to </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> those abominable names his friends called Eren, didn’t stop them like he </span>
  <em>
    <span>should</span>
  </em>
  <span> have. He didn’t come to Eren’s defence like he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to as his boyfriend. Instead, he let his friends trample verbally all over his boyfriend, couldn’t even open his mouth when he should have. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he’s a coward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A weakling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A loser.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> scum.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Worthless.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m s-s-sorry....” Reiner mewls—and Eren tuts. And it hurts so much. So fucking much. “I’m so s-s-sorry…!” And Reiner wishes he could undo all of his horrid acts of the night.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about instead of letting them run their mouths about </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you talk to them about</span>
  <em>
    <span> yourself </span>
  </em>
  <span>for a change, hm?” Eren prompts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...I’m sorry…” Reiner sobs again, both of his trembling hands covering up his face now, shielding his eyes to not look straight at his boyfriend’s infuriated, cold face, “I’m sorry! Eren…! I didn’t mean to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah… I forgot,” Eren says mockingly, once again ignoring Reiner’s words, as he’s bending forward even more, his face almost touching Reiner’s now, as he utters the following, cold, nearly menacing words. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> ever really talk about yourself to your so-called </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Because they don’t actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Reiner can’t stop crying. He can’t stop sobbing. His knees are starting to quiver so badly, he can’t stand straight anymore. Because Eren’s delivering a truth, shoving it right into his face, that he can’t handle right now; not after everything that went down tonight. And Reiner feels </span>
  <em>
    <span>so bad</span>
  </em>
  <span> for everything that he’s done. For everything that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>hasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so… sorry…” he repeats, his voice weak, nearly a whisper, broken, as his body begins to slide down the wall powerlessly, until he’s sitting on the floor, looking up at Eren through his own fingers still covering his face, who is staring down at him. For a while. Staring at Reiner, who’s digging his fingernails into his own scalp now, tearing at his own roots in anguish and despair, continuing to weep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he’s so fucking scared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s so fucking scared that Eren might actually be fed up with his bullshit, so fed up that he may actually really</span>
  <em>
    <span> leave </span>
  </em>
  <span>him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that would… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That would </span>
  <em>
    <span>destroy</span>
  </em>
  <span> Reiner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As another sob breaks out of his throat, Eren slowly moves down to the floor too, lowering himself onto one knee right in front of Reiner. The blond can practically feel those emerald eyes burning into his skull, as Eren stares at him in this menacing way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reiner…” Eren then mumbles, his deep, low voice trailing off. “Why the hell did you lie to me?” he repeats his question from before, to which he has already gotten an infuriating answer. “How the fuck am I supposed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>trust</span>
  </em>
  <span> you now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner’s throat and chest hurt and constrict, and his face scrunches up even more in the grotesque grimace of woe. “I’m sorry…” he sighs, nearly inaudibly. Because he’s so weak, so shaken, so- “Eren, please, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Was this the first time you lied to me, Reiner?” Eren then suddenly asks, and his tone is so calm, it’s actually absolutely eerie, sending a chilly, unpleasant shiver down Reiner’s spine. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that’s also due to the fact that the answer to that horrific new question would be a horrific ‘no’. And what makes it even more ground-shaking is the fact that Reiner knows that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>has</span>
  </em>
  <span> to tell Eren the truth now; even if that means that his boyfriend will hurt even more, that it might destroy Eren. But Reiner knows now that lying to him is even </span>
  <em>
    <span>worse</span>
  </em>
  <span> than this, and he doesn’t want to—</span>
  <em>
    <span>he can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>—do this anymore…!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>lie to Eren anymore. Not to Eren. Not again. He needs to come clean. How could he lie to him in the first place? Thinking it would be fine, that it would do good, that it would be easy.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Easy.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s always about things being easy for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Reiner’s a coward.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s why he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> chosen the easy way out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he can’t do this with Eren.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has to come clean. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t want secrets between them… Can’t let them have secrets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But if Eren finds out that this isn’t the first time Reiner lied to him, he’s… He will…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s definitely going to break up with him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reiner…” the long-haired man murmurs in a chilled, elongated tone, sending more of those shivers up Reiner’s spine. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Answer me.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Reiner sobs once again, burying his face in his palms, feeling the hot tears wet his skin, his whole body shaking, as he continues to sob, knowing that this, this right here, might actually really be the end of everything. That his stupid decision—</span>
  <em>
    <span>his cowardice</span>
  </em>
  <span>—might actually really mean the end of things between them, might destroy the only good thing in his life. Only because Reiner was such an idiot, such a coward. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Such a weakling.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I… I…” Reiner stammers, his nose running, the tears still flowing down his face, wetting his beard, his heart beating so heavily in his chest it actually hurts him physically when he continues. “That one t-time, I-I-I told you I was m-meeting only with Pieck... Two months ago, to go see that movie when you were working a late shift. That was…” Reiner sniffles. “Porco and Annie were there too,” he finally admits. Just like he admits to having lied to Eren about a handful of phone calls, claiming that his coworkers had called him or a client when, in fact, it had been some of his friends. Just like he admits to not having told Eren about a spontaneous meeting with Annie, Porco, Bertolt and Pieck, who had come to pick him up one day after work, a few months prior.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Reiner’s so fucking terrified.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s so scared, he can’t look Eren in the eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the eerie silence that follows Reiner’s confessions…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s mind-boggling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Atrocious.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it makes everything </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> much worse.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner feels like falling down an endless tunnel, falling towards his own, unstoppable demise without any means of saving himself. And it’s terrifying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And why isn’t Eren </span>
  <em>
    <span>saying</span>
  </em>
  <span> anything…?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner can’t breathe, the intake of air actually stinging his chest, and when he finally dares to raise his head to look at Eren, after a while that feels like forever—a seemingly never-ending torment in purgatory—it’s as if he’s hit by a huge rock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It knocks </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And what remains is a cold grip around his heart, as if a monster’s claw was clutching at his most vital organ. For Eren’s gaze is below zero. And it’s empty. Almost inhuman. As if the last shards of his empathy had been wiped out by that same beast hurting Reiner, only to be replaced by something alien. Something ghostly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eren’s eyes look</span>
  <em>
    <span> dead</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it dawns on Reiner that this is what Eren must have looked like when he uncovered all of those hideous lies inside the Jäger-family. Each uncovered truth, each tale of betrayal and exploitation, ripping a part of Eren’s soul out, stealing a piece of his humanity, each brutal truth tearing out a segment of his trust, disillusioning him bit by bit, revealing the ugliness of a somber world he once thought full of colours, shaping him into what others—Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie and all of Eren’s remaining childhood friends—perceived as a monster. When Eren is everything </span>
  <em>
    <span>but</span>
  </em>
  <span> that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner knows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows how sensitive Eren is, how much he suffered because of all those lies told to him by people who were supposed to love him, who were supposed to care for him, who were supposed to be honest with him. He was treated like an outcast when he stopped smiling and being the carefree young boy he once used to be, overwhelmed by the severity of the truth, by people who were supposed to support him, people who were supposed to stay by his side and love him </span>
  <em>
    <span>no matter what</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now... Reiner is </span>
  <em>
    <span>one of them</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-E-Eren…” he mumbles, his voice broken, the weight of reality becoming too much to bear for him too, as Reiner </span>
  <em>
    <span>only now</span>
  </em>
  <span> realises what he has done. What he has </span>
  <em>
    <span>truly</span>
  </em>
  <span> done. How big of a betrayal his seemingly innocent lies were and are to Eren. “I-I-I’m so so-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck!” the sudden outburst of his boyfriend, who is slamming his fist into the wall again, cuts Reiner off, makes his heart—his whole body—jump, a pathetic whimper escaping his throat. “Fuck…! Fuck…! Fuck…!” Eren’s screaming, each curse undermined by his fist slamming into the wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Reiner’s scared, and… And he’s so fucking sorry, so full of regrets, wishing he could just turn back time, erase his mistakes, his betrayal, make it </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> again…!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he can’t do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“E-E-Eren…” Reiner stammers, slowly reaching out to touch him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Eren doesn’t let him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck!” he curses once again, his voice croaking, as he slams into the wall again before literally jumping to his feet, stomping away from Reiner—and the talons of the monster tighten around the blond man’s heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eren!” he almost screams out, his voice breaking—and it feels like someone was punching him in the throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner scrambles to his feet too. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And Eren goes berserk.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kicking things, throwing a chair against the wall, knocking things off the counter of his small open kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Reiner can’t move. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t fucking move. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Once more he’s as if glued to the ground, the terror shaking his core, but rendering him useless; he’s a quivering, weeping, mess full of regrets. Full of fear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...E-E-Eren…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man twists around, the green of his eyes now fully returned, the desolate nothingness from before replaced by a raging fire, as he’s marching towards Reiner, his steps so heavy he’s surely waking up the downstairs-neighbours; and Reiner’s heart starts beating to ferociously, he’s sweating and the fear manifests itself as a huge, painful lump in his throat, his chest constricting, as if somebody was trying to tie him up with heavy rope, as he’s asking himself whether his boyfriend will-</span>
</p><p><span>Eren stops right in front of Reiner, looking him deep into his eyes, panting, his teeth clenched, hands formed into fists—and that’s when it happens.</span> <span>That’s when Eren’s beastly mask of terror and rage changes into one of... pain and agony. An expression of woe.</span></p><p>
  <span>“Why?” he breathes out. “Why did you lie to me Reiner? Why </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> of all people?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Reiner’s heart breaks into a thousand pieces. The dire, agonizing accusation, the lament of Eren’s desperate question so palpable. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why did he do this to Eren? Yes, why?!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner starts sobbing again, the mass of this divulgement—the pain he caused Eren by trying to take the easy way out—sucking all strength out of his limbs, forcing him to his knees again, the blond man’s fingers digging into the black t-shirt of his boyfriend, as he sinks down onto the floor right in front of him, all muscles clenching, convulsing, his whole body shaking when he continues to cry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he’s so fucking scared and he feels so fucking guilty.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-I’m so fucking sorry, Eren…!” Reiner weeps, begging all the gods and goddesses to please let them be okay again—because he can’t be without Eren, won’t be without Eren. “I was… I didn’t want you to-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“-worry about it?” Eren finishes Reiner’s sentence, repeating Reiner’s excuse for not telling him about meeting up with Marcel today, pain and exasperation lacing his voice; </span>
  <em>
    <span>and it hurts</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner sniffles, pressing his head against Eren’s flat and hard stomach, his tears seeping into the pitch-black fabric, Reiner’s arms winding around the man’s muscular waist; because he needs to be near Eren right now, needs to feel him, needs to smell him. Because Eren is his home, his safe place; his only source of comfort. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he’s about to lose that. Isn’t he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh God, this </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> be happening…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t want to let go of Eren, </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> let go of Eren, his arms around the man tightening, as fear grips Reiner’s throat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But how can he properly explain to Eren why he lied? Without angering his boyfriend any further? Without hurting him even more? Without hurting himself? How the hell is he supposed to do this? Why isn’t he man enough for this? For anything?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reiner…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eren sounds hurt and annoyed and terrifying, he sounds soft and hard and desperate and scary, all at once. And Reiner sobs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He owes Eren an explanation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He owes him </span>
  <em>
    <span>the truth</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m… I… I… You’re… I sometimes feel l-l-like you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...like I </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Reiner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His eyes shut tightly, his hands shaking and his heart thrumming, his forehead pressing into Eren’s body, his desperate embrace around his trained body tightening, Reiner finally says it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I feel l-like you… don’t… </span>
  <em>
    <span>accept</span>
  </em>
  <span> all of my friends and… I feel like you… I feel like you don’t</span>
  <em>
    <span> want </span>
  </em>
  <span>me to see them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner swallows thickly, and when Eren’s body suddenly moves and the man takes a small step back, escaping Reiner’s clutch, the blond man’s stomach almost turns, and he’s desperately clinging on to Eren, begging him internally not to go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reiner,” Eren says his name firmly, freezing in his movement, and Reiner expects an outcry, he expects an angry snapping, he expects anything, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>for Eren’s hands to suddenly touch face so gently, cupping his cheeks, turning his head upwards in a tender fashion, making Reiner look at him, at Eren who is…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who is smiling the saddest smile Reiner has ever seen on that handsome face—and all the small pieces of his heart break into even tinier ones. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And it hurts.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reiner…” Eren repeats, so softly, so… </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span>, as he too sinks down onto his knees with Reiner’s grip around him loosening, his hands remaining softly placed on Reiner’s face. “Have you ever thought about… how fucking terrified I might be of your friends, and especially of Porco and Annie, turning you against me </span>
  <em>
    <span>for good</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Of making you</span>
  <em>
    <span> break up</span>
  </em>
  <span> with me?” he then says, and his words make all the little heart-pieces inside of Reiner’s chest tingle and ache, bringing back the bitter and very fresh memory of Annie’s words from just a few hours ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You should totally dump this guy’s ass.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You should break up with that son of a whore.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And Reiner’s absolutely terrified and flabbergasted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because honestly Reiner,” Eren continues, as another wave of dread crashes of Reiner, “deep down you </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> that they have all </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> given me a chance. Don’t you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Th-They…” Reiner starts murmuring, but his voice trails off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he doesn’t know what to say. Because…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Eren is </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Because his friends will never understand Eren, where he’s coming from, why he is the way he is, but-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They hated me from the beginning, Reiner, and they never made it a secret,” Eren continues, calmly, brushing away Reiner’s tears with his thumbs, quickly replaced with new ones. Because this is all so fucking hard, so- “They look down on me,” Eren goes on, ever so calmly; but Reiner can hear the hurt in every word spoken by his boyfriend. “They think I’m dumb, because I’m just a shitty steelworker, not a high-class university student and future boss of a huge-ass company.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“B-B-But, E-Eren, I’m just… I’m just a plumber too, and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s different,” Eren interjects, “because your friends think you </span>
  <em>
    <span>chose</span>
  </em>
  <span> this path yourself. They don’t know you only managed to get your A-levels because your father bribed the teachers. They don’t know you failed your university exams and were just about to be kicked out of uni. They don’t know that your father got you the apprenticeship at his old school friend’s company. Do they, Reiner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They don’t.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner’s lips quiver, as more salty tears trickle down them, and his heart-pieces tingle again, as Eren slowly brushes the new wetness away with his thumbs, looking deep into Reiner’s eyes again after. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s why they think that I’m not good enough for you,” Eren continues. “They think you’re like them, Reiner. But you’re not. You’ve never </span>
  <em>
    <span>been</span>
  </em>
  <span> like them. And do you really think they would still want to be friends with you, if they knew you? The </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> you? Have you </span>
  <em>
    <span>seen</span>
  </em>
  <span> the way they looked at you today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another sob breaks out of Reiner’s throat, Eren’s words acting like bullets to his armour, to what remains of it, lethal fragments of the brutal truth mixing with the memory of </span>
  <em>
    <span>those looks</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think they would accept you, if they knew you’re not as smart as they think you are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner does not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think they would still respect you, if they knew you’re not as strong as they think you are?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner does not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And do you really think they will </span>
  <em>
    <span>stay</span>
  </em>
  <span> friends with you? Once they leave uni and enter the real world?” Eren says next, his emerald eyes still boring into Reiner’s, his soft hands that just minutes ago trashed his place still encasing Reiner’s face tenderly. “It’s like you said: You’re just a plumber, Reiner. And while this might be okay now… do you really think it will be okay in the future? Look at your fathers, at</span>
  <em>
    <span> their</span>
  </em>
  <span> friends: Is your father friends with a plumber? Except for your boss, who owed him a favour? Does your father meet up for drinks with your boss, invite him to his place, to barbecues and shit, huh, Reiner? Does he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner sniffles. “N-No…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course he doesn’t,” Eren tuts. “Those people don’t stay friends with people way below them, people who do physical labour. People like </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Reiner. It’s always been like that and it will always </span>
  <em>
    <span>be</span>
  </em>
  <span> like that, and deep down you </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner sobs. Because he does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They won’t be your friends forever, Reiner,” Eren states, and an arctic shiver runs down Reiner’s spine, Eren’s following words chasing more of those down his skin. “One day, they will move on to the life you can never have and leave you behind, and you know that. Just like you know they would never accept the real you and turn on you the moment they learned the truth, because your friendship isn’t real,” Eren sighs, his facial expression softening. And after a short pause, he says: “And all of that makes me so terribly </span>
  <em>
    <span>angry</span>
  </em>
  <span>…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner whimpers and Eren leans forward to plant a kiss onto his forehead, making warmth and a feeling of… </span>
  <em>
    <span>hope</span>
  </em>
  <span> spread throughout Reiner’s being, fighting its way through all the terror and hurt. Everything that Eren’s telling Reiner is…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s the brutal truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The agonising, aching, ugly truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m angry that you’re still playing this charade with them, that you think that you have to, to please your fucking father and protect that bullshit Braun name,” Eren spits out, his forehead pressed against Reiner’s now, his hands still on his cheeks, as Reiner’s fingers wrap themselves around Eren’s warm, tattooed wrists to hold onto him, his core shaking due to Eren’s angry and at the same time heart-warming words. “I hate that you have to suffer because of all those lies, because of your cold-hearted parents, because of your </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>More tears spill down Reiner’s cheeks, and Eren presses yet another kiss onto the blond man’s forehead before looking back into his eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and I, we’re the same, Reiner—and your </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span> will </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> understand that,” he says, his hands gliding into Reiner’s neck, kneading his tense muscles there. “I’m the only one who truly understands you, Reiner. Just like you are the only who understands me. And I’m fucking terrified a Porco or an Annie, whom you’ve been sucking up to all your life because your daddy told you to, might ruin this, </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>. People who will definitely make you suffer even more than now, when they will abandon you. And they will. But </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> won’t Reiner,” Eren emphasises, and it that moment, the world seems to stand still. “I would never give you up, Reiner. Never. Do you understand that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner nods, more tears trickling down his face, and he feels so fucking terrible for what he’s done, and so grateful for Eren’s words, his light kiss, his touch, his closeness, his promises.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am so fucking sorry that I lied to you,” Reiner manages to croak out and Eren’s fingers squeeze his neck reassuringly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I forgive you,” the brunette man states immediately in a low voice; his words a salvation, a liberation, mending Reiner’s broken heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Y-You do…?” he hears himself whispering, still holding on to his boyfriend’s wrists, his pulse racing due to this wonderful surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eren nods faintly. “I have no other choice but to forgive you,” he explains, “because I </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> you, Reiner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A shiver runs down the blond man’s spine.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“S-So... you won’t… leave me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Eren answers, one of his hands grabbing Reiner’s, detaching it from his own wrist, only to breathe a kiss onto his knuckles. “I just told you I would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> leave you,” he then adds, looking deep into his eyes, his words tender, but his expression growing a tiny bit sterner, making Reiner’s heart race again, “but you can’t lie to me </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> again, Reiner,” Eren says. “Ever. Don’t be like my family, don’t hurt me like that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of all people should know better. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be able to trust you, Reiner…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I-I-I know,” Reiner babbles, his whole core buzzing with elating joy, with pain, with hope and regrets too. With understanding. With terror, still. “I’m so fucking sorry, I will… I won’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> lie to you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lie to your friends all you want, if that’s what you think makes you happy, to your coworkers, to the public, if you want to obey your father this much—but don’t lie to </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I w-won’t!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Never </span>
  </em>
  <span>again, Reiner...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never…!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you promise?” Eren asks, sounding so gentle, and Reiner begins to nod fervently. Because you really </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> mean it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do, oh God, I do, Eren, please…” he whimpers, more tears streaming down his cheeks, the whole fear and tension leaving his body as he realises that… </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That Eren won’t leave him.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>That he’s giving him another chance, even if Reiner does not deserve it. Not for what he’s done. Not after lying to Eren like that, not after letting Marcel take that horrid picture of them that caused Eren so much pain. Because… Because it really </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> look as if they were a couple. And Reiner finally truly understands how this must have hurt Eren. A lot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eren, who should hate him now, but who doesn’t. Eren, who should shun him, but who doesn’t. Instead, Eren’s pulling Reiner into a close and tight embrace, and Reiner is so fucking relieved, he begins to sob uncontrollably, as all the terror and dread of the night begin to fall off of him. Because Eren is not a monster. Eren is gentle and kind and… absolutely wonderful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s Reiner’s everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eren is Reiner’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>world.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you so much… And I’m so fucking sorry… Eren,” Reiner mewls, his face pressed against the spot where Eren’s shoulder and neck meet, feeling his boyfriend’s hands caress his back, Eren’s lips breathing another soft kiss onto his temple, as he holds him like that, as Reiner is half sprawled across the floor, half sprawled across Eren’s body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay…” the man mumbles, ever so softly, and Reiner doesn’t understand himself anymore. How he could have </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> been so foolish to do all the bullshit he did today, how he could betray the only man in this world who truly understands him, who accepts every single one of his flaws like that; how he could let his friends slander him this much.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s disgusting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s unfair.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Reiner,” Eren mumbles, “it’ll be okay, I promise…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Reiner sobs. Because he hates himself so much right now, for everything he’s done to Eren, the one person Reiner is supposed to protect and cherish and love, no matter what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t lie to you ever again,” he mumbles, his voice broken, more of this magical relief and joy flooding his body, as Eren breathes another kiss onto his temple. “I promise.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as more relief and happiness fuel Reiner, his phone gives off a single chime. And another right after. And a third one just a second later. It’s all single messages coming in. And Reiner freezes. Because that’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>most definitel</span>
  </em>
  <span>y the tone from his group chat with Annie, Porco, Bertolt, Pieck, Colt and Marcel. Not used frequently, but always around the time they want to meet up as a group for easier coordination. Like today.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eren’s frozen too, tense again, his arms around Reiner tightening. And not in a tender way. He tuts—and Reiner’s phone chimes </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will you fucking turn that off…?” Eren hisses, gritting his teeth, loosening his embrace to allow Reiner’s body to turn slightly, the blond man’s hands immediately reaching for his phone, his back pressing against Eren’s chest as he does so. And when he pulls it out of his pocket, his fingers are quivering so much, he’s unable to enter the fucking pin code—and his phone chimes </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and</span>
  <em>
    <span> another</span>
  </em>
  <span> notification appears on the screen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that’s when Eren grabs it, rips it out of Reiner’s pathetic hands, and an angry snort breaks out of his boyfriend’s mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In terror, Reiner watches his boyfriend unlock his device, but not to switch off the sound of the phone immediately. Instead, Eren opens up the annoying group chat that has interrupted their peace-making. And what he sees—what they </span>
  <em>
    <span>both</span>
  </em>
  <span> see—sends another armada of chilling shivers up and down Reiner’s spine. Eren’s words from before, the revelations about Reiner’s friends that truly weren’t revelations but merely lingering truths spoken out, those memories of their looks in the bar in his moment of weakness that will haunt Reiner forever, together with the new messages his friends deliver—they are all making Reiner almost throw up.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marcel: Are you okay, Reiner?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Porco: I swear, if he lays a finger on you, I will break that motherfucker’s neck.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Annie: PLEASE BREAK UP WITH HIM REINER! HE DOESN’T DESERVE YOU!!!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The fourth message is a picture, sent by Bertolt. It’s a group selfie, with all of them smiling into the camera with a little caption.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bertolt: We’re thinking of you and we’ll always be there to support you, Reiner!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The fifth is from Marcel again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Marcel: Call me tomorrow morning.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He feels Eren behind him tensing up even more, his own heart nearly stopping before it starts to hammer away in his chest, going from zero to a hundred in a split second, so many contradiction thoughts and emotions mixing inside of him, as if someone had thrown his freshly glued-together heart into a blender, undoing all of Eren’s gentle work from only minutes ago, throwing Reiner right back into the twister, into destruction. Because…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner doesn’t want to lose his friends. He grew up with them. They have always been a part of his life. And they are trying to support him. But… But Eren’s right, and just the mere thought of how Marcel looked at Reiner, how Annie, Porco and Bertolt looked at Reiner when he lost it today, when he gave them a glimpse of the truth covered up with so many fragile, dusty layers, makes him feel sick again. Because if they knew… If they only knew a </span>
  <em>
    <span>small </span>
  </em>
  <span>part of what Reiner has been keeping from them for so many years… Would they stay?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s what Eren told him: Their friendship isn’t real. Because Reiner’s been lying to them basically all his life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The answer is simple, and yet terrifying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And… And they </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> proved all of Eren’s fears, once again expressing their inexplicable hatred for the most important man in Reiner’s life without holding back, their desire to… break them up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck them!” Eren suddenly barks, like a beast gone wild, and Reiner’s whole body jumps, startled by his boyfriend suddenly throwing his phone across the room, slamming the device against the far wall, before turning Reiner’s world literally upside down by grabbing his shoulders next and flipping him over, pushing him into the floor with his back, surprise and light pain surging through the blond’s body—a single shot to his neural system—and Reiner needs to remind himself how to breathe again, as Eren hovers over him, moving between his legs, staring down at him, looking… delirious. Angry, sad, aggravated and hurt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Looking hungry.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Determined.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And just when Reiner thinks Eren is about to speak to him again, the blond man’s heart still racing feverishly, Eren closes his mouth again. And then, he leans down, with both of his hands planted into the floor to either side of Reiner’s face, and he kisses him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Demanding.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His lips hot and powerful, one of his hands snaking itself under Reiner’s back, gliding under his shirt, hot fingertips moving over heated skin, a thousand microscopic shivers born from each touch rippling over Reiner’s back, his sides, his spine, his neck, his legs, right down into his toes, as Eren lets his weight sink down fully on him, prompting Reiner’s mouth open with his lips to lick into his mouth, and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Reiner’s tense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So fucking tense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he is still so shaken by… By everything. By those messages his friends sent him, messages—obscenities—Eren witnessed with his own eyes. Reiner’s shaken by the whole evening, his freshly stapled heart still aching from all terror of the night, so many contradicting emotions welling in his chest, like a fountain gone out of control, a waterfall, a snow storm; it’s like his extreme nervousness from before has returned, crashed right back through a door they just closed together during their reconciliation. And Reiner hates it, and he’s angry at himself, because Eren is kissing him, and he should be fucking ecstatic because of that, because Eren has forgiven him after Reiner </span>
  <em>
    <span>lied</span>
  </em>
  <span> to him…! He should be giving in, he should be </span>
  <em>
    <span>enjoying </span>
  </em>
  <span>this, but…</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But he can’t.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His mind is still going crazy, the thoughts winding around themselves like wild fish in a swarm, like snakes in a pit, as Eren’s lips move over his jaw to his ear, his hot breath brushing over his shell burning Reiner and making him flinch slightly, freezing shivers chasing down his body, interrupted by the unexpected sudden bite, Eren’s canines pushing roughly into his throat—and Reiner’s whole body jolts. And he screams. His yell an anguished lament. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when Eren moves and his face hovers over Reiner’s again, his eyes ice and fire at once, staring holes into Reiner’s skull, Reiner is fucking panicking, because he is so freaking confused, still so fucking agitated, the dread of night instead of subsiding gripping his throat again, it’s invisible fingers like talons squeezing down on his windpipe, on his heart, his whole chest, his ribcage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s so freaking tense, his thoughts circling around the group chat and his guilt of not having defended Eren, the fear that his friends might really leave him for good soon, the thought that it’s all been a farce from the get go engraving itself into his brain, that Eren’s sudden movement, his lips beginning to sink down onto Reiner’s again, startle him tremendously—and Reiner winces, his whole, big body convulsing, </span>
  <em>
    <span>flinching back</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Eren </span>
  <em>
    <span>loses</span>
  </em>
  <span> it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” he snaps, his hand on Reiner’s back stilling. “You scared of me now or what?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Reiner can’t breathe. He can’t fucking breathe, staring up at Eren who is </span>
  <em>
    <span>glaring </span>
  </em>
  <span>at him now, and he feels so bad, so fucking bad, because he’s made Eren angry</span>
  <em>
    <span> again,</span>
  </em>
  <span> when all his boyfriend did was try to push forward with them making up, restoring their peace, saving their happiness—their love—showering Reiner with his forgiveness and his affection. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Reiner can’t move; he can’t speak. He’s so weak, so terribly confused and upset, it’s making his mind foggy and his limbs don’t respond, and he knows he should be feeling arousal with the way Eren’s treating him right now, but all he experiences is dread and he can’t push it back, can’t fight it, because he’s so fucking weak, and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck!” Eren seethes, slamming his fist into the floor right next to Reiner’s face, making him yelp in surprise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And terror. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And dread.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And it’s that dread that’s taking over his body again, as Eren suddenly gets up erratically, ending all body contact, as he moves to stand. And Reiner </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span> can’t move, despite his whole form shaking in fear, as he watches Eren stomp through the room, kicking the second chair into the wall as he releases an angry grunt, before he storms into the bathroom and slams the door shut with so much force the loud thud echoes not only through the whole apartment but definitely also through the hallway, now most definitely waking people up. And what remains is silence. Deafening, suffocating, oppressing silence that descends upon Reiner like a veil of death.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s a sob that breaks it.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Reiner’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> sob.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he ruined it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ruined their reunion. Their reconciliation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After everything he has done, Eren has still forgiven him. Just like that. And what does Reiner do? He fucks it up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why couldn’t he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>give in</span>
  </em>
  <span>?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he’s so fucking tense, and agitated, and confused, and why can’t he stop </span>
  <em>
    <span>shaking</span>
  </em>
  <span>…?! Why is he </span>
  <em>
    <span>such</span>
  </em>
  <span> a loser? A sobbing mess on the floor, his face buried in his hands, praying for Eren to come back and pick him up. But Eren’s not coming. He won’t be coming. Will he? And God... why did Reiner just </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to fucking do this?! </span>
  <em>
    <span>All </span>
  </em>
  <span>of this?!</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His heart is aching so much, it feels like someone is trying to rip out his whole ribcage, and it feels like there’s a stone with rough and sharp edges stuck in his throat, the dread and terror overtaking all of his senses, the sheer, ugly and desperate fear of losing Eren making his head pound, his clogged nose making breathing almost impossible at this point; and everything is just… fucked up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner’s suffering, and he’s running out of words to describe just just </span>
  <em>
    <span>how much</span>
  </em>
  <span> he’s in agony. Tears blurring his vision, the pain in his chest and throat, his face, his whole body, horrific. Excruciating. And Eren’s still locked in his bathroom, raging around, making water run while moving things around, throwing things around. Probably shaking with anger. And disappointment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And Reiner just wants to fucking bash his head into a wall. Because that’s what he deserves. To suffer. Yes, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>deserves to suffer for what he’s done, not Eren, he-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has no idea how much time has passed. How long he’s been lying on this floor, crying, sobbing, unable to move his body, his eyes blinking with tears, the wetness covering his own palms, when suddenly he realizes that the bathroom door is open, and his boyfriend is leaning against the doorframe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With both of his lean, tattooed arms crossed over his defined chest, Eren’s looking at Reiner. Probably has been looking at him for some time now. And as Reiner reciprocates Eren’s gaze, time seems to stand still.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to get your shit together,” Eren then finally says, sighing, and Reiner has no idea how he feels right now, he- “Come here,” his boyfriend suddenly adds, so much softer than his previous statement spoken in flat coldness, tenderly, quietly; holding out his hand as he walks over to Reiner, bringing a peculiar, pleasant fragrance with him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner only understands what it is, when Eren guides him to the source, Reiner’s mind so occupied with the fact that his boyfriend actually helped him to his feet and is now, as they are entering the bathroom, still holding his hand gently, that his battered brain only catches up with deciphering that familiar smell when Reiner’s standing right in front of it—the tub filled with his favourite bubble bath, the scent of vanilla, honey and cardamom filling his nostrils.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The edges of the tub are freshly cleaned, a few burning tealights placed onto it. The rest of the stuff, all bottles and tubes and other utensils Eren keeps around in his small bath, thrown into the corner of the room to make the tub accessible; and only now Reiner comprehends that Eren has not been raging around in the bath, but preparing the tub for him, after he-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get in,” Eren tells Reiner, letting go of his hand. “Come out when you’re calm again,” he adds, closing the door after he leaves the room, after he leaves Reiner, but…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silent tears are rolling down Reiner’s cheeks as he realises that Eren is not leaving him for good. But that… That he did this </span>
  <em>
    <span>for him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Preparing the bath. Another gesture of forgiveness. A sign that Eren doesn’t want to end things, but mend them… Isn’t it?</span>
</p><p><span>He cares about Reiner. After all the shit the blond has done today, has confessed to today, to all those lies, to his betrayal, Eren </span><em><span>still</span></em> <em><span>cares </span></em><span>for him…</span></p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, the bathroom door opens again, and Reiner immediately twists around. It’s Eren. Who else would it be? And he’s holding a small bottle of water and a can of beer in his hand. He looks surprised, then a little bit angry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why aren’t you getting in?” he tuts, setting both drinks down onto the edge of the tub. “Get in the water and clear your fucking head, Reiner.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Y-Yeah…” Reiner mumbles, wanting to add a thousand apologies, his heart flooded with warmth by Eren’s gestures, more regret concerning his abominable actions. But his boyfriend has already left the room again, shutting the door behind himself, once again leaving Reiner alone. Leaving Reiner… some </span>
  <em>
    <span>space</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner loves baths. They help him to relax, to shut his brain off, forget reality for a bit. Eren knows this. This is what makes this so… special.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner doesn’t have a tub in his apartment, only a big shower. This is why Eren lets him use his bathroom so often. Letting Reiner soak in hot water for as long as he wants to, while he’s sitting on the edge, smoking, playing some games on his phone, taking pictures of his boyfriend hidden in foam sometimes. But not right now. And as much as this makes Reiner sad, not having Eren near him right now, he understands why his boyfriend left him on his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Reiner really does need to calm down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He really does need to think about what he’s done.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it’s a punishment that he deserves: Being apart from Eren, having a taste of what it feels like without him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And as the warmth of water and the crackling of the pleasantly smelling foam start to seep deep into Reiner’s skin, penetrating his pores, relaxing his muscles, making him feel just the right amount of dizzy, just the way he likes it, Reiner really understands it: How much he truly fucked up. Tonight, before that, just a few minutes ago. Because Eren… </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eren really, really, fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>loves </span>
  </em>
  <span>him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No matter what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s forgiven him for </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span> of his lies. He was ready to embrace Reiner again, to move on, despite his reignited trauma. Reiner has disappointed him, treated him like he should have never treated Eren, deserving his contempt; instead he has been offered atonement by the man with those stunning, emerald eyes. And then, he couldn’t even be </span>
  <em>
    <span>grateful</span>
  </em>
  <span> for being forgiven. Had to tense up again, make a fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>scene</span>
  </em>
  <span> because of those shitty messages from Annie and Porco, instead of ignoring them and focusing on Eren. On them. On their rekindled connection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How fucking stupid</span>
  <em>
    <span> is</span>
  </em>
  <span> he?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh God…” Reiner groans, sinking further into the water, submerging himself, his legs sticking out of the foam as his face goes under water, all sounds of his surroundings dulled. Until he can’t breathe anymore, bursting back above the surface, some of the unruly fluid seeping over the edge and onto the bathroom floor, as Reiner’s refilling his lungs, gasping for air, his heartbeat agitated as all of those thoughts keep racing through his mind, with only one remaining completely still, stoic and immovable: The thought of Eren.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And what he means to Reiner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What </span>
  <em>
    <span>losing </span>
  </em>
  <span>Eren means of Reiner.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The end of his own existence.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He can’t lose Eren.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>won’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> lose Eren.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he wants to give him all that Eren deserves: his honesty, his trust, his loyalty, his time, his devotion, his protection, his everything. Because Eren</span>
  <em>
    <span> deserves</span>
  </em>
  <span> everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner wants to give him his </span>
  <em>
    <span>all</span>
  </em>
  <span>, make him understand how much he means to him. Reiner wants to give all of himself to Eren, wants to submit himself to this man completely—because Eren is giving everything of himself to Reiner too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They are the same, they are alone—but not when they are together. And they </span>
  <em>
    <span>belong</span>
  </em>
  <span> together, always have, and Reiner thinks about Eren’s words from a few weeks prior, uttered in delirious ecstasy of their naked bodies pressed against one another:</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“We were meant to be together. We’re one, Reiner. Always.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The determination to undo his wrong-doings, to appease the love of his life, to prove his devotion makes Reiner finally get out of the bathtub, taking the last sip of the small beer can Eren left him. This, as well as his already wrinkly skin and the hot water having turned almost completely cold. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reiner’s heart is starting to beat faster as he dries his skin off, binding the towel around his waist after, and his hands begin to shake slightly as he opens the bathroom door and steps outside, nervousness seeping back into his bones as he’s asking himself whether Eren will be in the right mood, hoping he won’t reject him, will accept his approach instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he steps further into the living room, he swallows thickly, but commands his body to move forward nonetheless, despite the fear trying to overtake him again; because he’s not backing down. Not when he’s screwed up so many things already. He wants to make this right. Needs to make this right. For Eren. For them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when his boyfriend notices him, looks at him, Reiner’s heart skips a beat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eren’s sitting on the couch, drinking a can of beer, smoking a cigarette. And while Eren’s still wearing his pitch-black jeans, highlighting his muscled thighs and calves, his shirt is gone, his overly inked, lean and well-trained arms on full display now. As is his rippled stomach, the steel-hard abs, his chiseled chest, the whole of it covered with another grande tattoo—the logo of his band. The almost indecipherable writing and the monster woven into it covering his pectorals, the inhuman creature’s skeletal hands sticking out of the letters left and right spread over his ribcage, its head placed in the middle of Eren’s chest, with it’s long and thin hair expanding over the whole of his stomach, disappearing under the black denim fabric, leading to his hidden, pierced cock.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eren takes a sip of his beer, crushing the empty small can with ease in his hand, tossing it behind himself carelessly, his green eyes boring into Reiner’s, who’s coming closer on shaky legs, before they wander down the blond man’s whole body and then back up again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have you calmed down?” Eren asks him, and Reiner nods. Then, his fingers slip under the towel, and he loosens it. And as the moist fabric hits the floor, Eren stubs out his cigarette, his eyes glued to Reiner’s crotch, before they move up to pierce Reiner’s again. “Come here,” Eren prompts, his voice low and dangerous, and Reiner obeys. Gladly. His heart racing like crazy, racing with joy at Eren’s invitation, his acceptance, his forgiveness, his everything, as he lets his boyfriend grab his arm to pull Reiner onto his lap, making the blond, naked man straddle him, Eren’s skin, as Reiner’s hands come down on his shoulders, almost as hot as the water engulfing Reiner merely minutes ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when Reiner witnesses Eren’s lips curl into the beginning of a smirk, he leans forward and kisses him. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hard.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Pressing his whole, exposed body against his boyfriend.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because he’s going to give Eren </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Everything.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because Eren demands it—and Eren </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserves</span>
  </em>
  <span> it.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks so much for reading and see you soon with the finale! </p><p>If you liked this chapter: Lemme know. Your words are VERY much appreciated. Also: Never thought I would fall this deep into ererei purgatory. :D</p><p>Take care!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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